1 00:03:01,482 --> 00:03:05,419 Congratulations, Hudson High class of 2004. 2 00:03:22,936 --> 00:03:23,936 There she is. Fiona! 3 00:03:26,139 --> 00:03:27,341 Bye. 4 00:03:27,775 --> 00:03:29,109 Hey. Hey! 5 00:03:29,142 --> 00:03:30,811 Hey, you. 6 00:03:34,548 --> 00:03:37,785 Congratulations, graduate. Thanks, baby. 7 00:03:37,818 --> 00:03:39,287 And congratulations to you, Cooper. 8 00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:40,921 Aw. Thanks, baby! 9 00:03:41,922 --> 00:03:43,324 Nice try. 10 00:03:43,357 --> 00:03:45,034 All right. See you at Wade's party tonight? 11 00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:46,260 See you then. 12 00:03:48,462 --> 00:03:51,399 So, it's just you and me for the entire summer. 13 00:03:51,432 --> 00:03:53,767 Next year you graduate, join me at college. 14 00:03:53,801 --> 00:03:54,801 Just like we planned. 15 00:03:55,369 --> 00:03:56,670 Scott, we need to talk. 16 00:03:56,704 --> 00:03:57,938 Yeah? About what? 17 00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:00,474 About me dumping you. 18 00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:02,276 Huh? 19 00:04:02,310 --> 00:04:03,744 There he is! 20 00:04:03,777 --> 00:04:06,947 The graduate and his beautiful girlfriend. Okay? 21 00:04:07,815 --> 00:04:09,450 Smile, you two! 22 00:04:10,318 --> 00:04:12,720 Action! Dad, Mom, Grandma... 23 00:04:13,987 --> 00:04:15,423 Uncle Moke... Uh... 24 00:04:15,456 --> 00:04:16,890 I'm gonna need a minute here, okay? 25 00:04:18,392 --> 00:04:19,436 What do you mean, you're dumping me? 26 00:04:19,460 --> 00:04:20,994 Scott, I just can't take 27 00:04:21,028 --> 00:04:23,931 all the lying and cheating on each other anymore. 28 00:04:23,964 --> 00:04:26,767 What are you talking about? Sweetie, I never cheated on you. 29 00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:28,636 I know. That's what makes this so hard. 30 00:04:28,669 --> 00:04:30,404 You're looking good, you guys. 31 00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:33,173 Scotty, it's not you. 32 00:04:33,206 --> 00:04:34,375 It's me. 33 00:04:36,577 --> 00:04:39,347 There I go, lying again. No, it was you. 34 00:04:39,380 --> 00:04:40,948 You're just so... 35 00:04:42,049 --> 00:04:44,017 ...predictable. Smile! 36 00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:46,954 So, that's it. 37 00:04:46,987 --> 00:04:48,689 Here's your letter jacket back. 38 00:04:48,722 --> 00:04:49,757 Goodbye. 39 00:04:51,425 --> 00:04:52,793 This isn't mine. 40 00:04:57,130 --> 00:05:00,067 She's a keeper, huh? Oh, wow. 41 00:05:00,834 --> 00:05:01,902 Oh, my God. 42 00:05:04,237 --> 00:05:05,639 Fiona! 43 00:05:12,780 --> 00:05:13,914 Let's see that again. 44 00:05:17,751 --> 00:05:19,453 Fiona! 45 00:05:19,487 --> 00:05:21,989 This is just so brutal. 46 00:05:22,022 --> 00:05:24,858 And yet I can't look away. Bert, play it again. Come on. 47 00:05:26,794 --> 00:05:29,096 Fiona! Bert, get out of here. 48 00:05:30,197 --> 00:05:31,832 Okay. See you. 49 00:05:31,865 --> 00:05:33,701 All right. Stay black, Bert. 50 00:05:35,035 --> 00:05:37,104 "Fiona!" 51 00:05:38,305 --> 00:05:39,640 Mail, motherfucker! 52 00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:41,074 Hey, I got one from Mieke. 53 00:05:45,078 --> 00:05:47,214 "Happy herzlichen." 54 00:05:47,247 --> 00:05:50,250 You still writing that guy? I thought that was just for German class. 55 00:05:50,283 --> 00:05:52,986 It was at first, but we're actually becoming good friends. 56 00:05:53,887 --> 00:05:55,723 He's a really cool guy. 57 00:05:55,756 --> 00:06:00,794 "Dear Mieke, greetings from your American pen pal." 58 00:06:00,828 --> 00:06:02,563 Scotty, Girl Scouts have pen pals. 59 00:06:03,664 --> 00:06:04,898 Listen to yourself, all right? 60 00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:09,470 You met a "cool guy" on the "internet." 61 00:06:09,503 --> 00:06:11,539 This is how these sexual predators work. 62 00:06:11,572 --> 00:06:14,475 Next thing you know, he'll want to "arrange a meeting" 63 00:06:14,508 --> 00:06:17,545 where he will gas you, stuff you in the back of his van, 64 00:06:17,578 --> 00:06:19,258 and make a wind chime out of your genitals. 65 00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:22,659 Come on, let's go to Wade's. All right. 66 00:06:22,683 --> 00:06:24,652 Screw it. Let's go. 67 00:06:24,685 --> 00:06:27,354 I'm not gonna let Fiona ruin my graduation night. 68 00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:28,989 Auf Wiedersehen, Mieke. 69 00:06:43,837 --> 00:06:45,806 What's up, losers? What's up, Jenny? 70 00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:47,240 What's up, dude? 71 00:06:47,274 --> 00:06:49,342 Sorry to hear about Fiona. She's a whore. 72 00:06:49,376 --> 00:06:51,011 That's very sweet of you. Thanks. 73 00:06:51,044 --> 00:06:52,713 Enough Fiona talk. 74 00:06:52,746 --> 00:06:54,748 Look around. There's gotta be 100 drunk girls. 75 00:06:54,782 --> 00:06:56,884 We should try to have sex with every one of 'em. 76 00:06:56,917 --> 00:06:58,418 Hello? Mixed company? 77 00:06:58,952 --> 00:06:59,952 What? 78 00:07:00,621 --> 00:07:02,656 I'm a girl! No, you're not. 79 00:07:02,690 --> 00:07:04,458 You're just a cool guy with long hair. 80 00:07:04,492 --> 00:07:06,026 So, where's your evil twin brother? 81 00:07:06,059 --> 00:07:07,160 Jenny! 82 00:07:08,128 --> 00:07:09,129 There he is. 83 00:07:10,664 --> 00:07:13,634 Hey, Jamie. In fine form, I see. 84 00:07:13,667 --> 00:07:16,470 Why'd you get me gin and tonic? 85 00:07:16,504 --> 00:07:19,272 I hate gin. You do? 86 00:07:19,306 --> 00:07:21,141 You guys are the worst twins ever! 87 00:07:24,377 --> 00:07:25,913 Chug! Chug! 88 00:07:29,349 --> 00:07:31,852 When are you guys taking off? Tomorrow morning. 89 00:07:31,885 --> 00:07:35,088 Hey, Wade! Great party, bud. 90 00:07:36,524 --> 00:07:38,592 Man, I am so excited! 91 00:07:38,626 --> 00:07:41,161 A whole summer, backpacking around Europe. 92 00:07:41,194 --> 00:07:42,696 You should've come with us 93 00:07:42,730 --> 00:07:45,065 instead of working for Dr. Dad, Scotty! 94 00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:47,568 It's gonna be so awesome! 95 00:07:47,601 --> 00:07:50,738 Yeah. I planned every detail of the trip 96 00:07:50,771 --> 00:07:52,840 to maximize the fun! 97 00:07:52,873 --> 00:07:54,708 You brought a guidebook to a party? 98 00:07:54,742 --> 00:07:56,176 Do you wanna see my itinerary? 99 00:07:56,209 --> 00:07:57,611 Do you wanna see my balls? 100 00:07:59,547 --> 00:08:01,224 You guys decide where you're gonna go first? 101 00:08:01,248 --> 00:08:03,617 Paris! I can't wait. 102 00:08:03,651 --> 00:08:05,452 Two years ago Nicky Jager's sister, Debbie, 103 00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:07,220 met a wealthy French guy, 104 00:08:07,254 --> 00:08:10,190 and spent a month sailing the Mediterranean on his yacht. 105 00:08:10,223 --> 00:08:13,561 Isn't that the most romantic thing you've ever heard? 106 00:08:13,594 --> 00:08:15,596 Stuck on a boat with a weird French guy? 107 00:08:17,364 --> 00:08:18,532 That sounds a little gay. 108 00:08:19,132 --> 00:08:21,569 It's not gay. I'm a girl. 109 00:08:22,302 --> 00:08:23,571 Kinda gay. A little gay. 110 00:08:25,138 --> 00:08:27,608 All right, I gotta piss like a pregnant woman. 111 00:08:30,243 --> 00:08:31,579 Hey, listen up, everybody. 112 00:08:33,046 --> 00:08:35,549 Gotta a little special thing I'd like to do tonight. 113 00:08:35,583 --> 00:08:38,185 Going to play a little song for you 114 00:08:38,218 --> 00:08:42,055 about the nastiest, freakiest little sex puppet I know... 115 00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:44,725 Fiona. 116 00:08:51,665 --> 00:08:54,134 This one's for you, baby. Happy anniversary. 117 00:09:00,507 --> 00:09:03,543 ♪ Scotty doesn't know that Fiona and me 118 00:09:03,577 --> 00:09:06,013 ♪ Do it in my van every Sunday 119 00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:08,949 ♪ She tells him she's in church but she doesn't go 120 00:09:08,982 --> 00:09:12,586 ♪ Still she's on her knees and Scotty doesn't know 121 00:09:12,620 --> 00:09:15,989 ♪ Oh, Scotty doesn't know 122 00:09:16,023 --> 00:09:18,659 ♪ So don't tell Scotty Scotty doesn't know 123 00:09:18,692 --> 00:09:19,893 ♪ Scotty doesn't know 124 00:09:20,994 --> 00:09:22,834 I hope we're just as popular in college 125 00:09:22,863 --> 00:09:24,632 as we were in high school. 126 00:09:24,665 --> 00:09:26,066 - We will be. - I know. 127 00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:28,902 Who needs more Chablis? 128 00:09:30,938 --> 00:09:32,898 Candy, wanna come with? No, I'll stay here. 129 00:09:35,709 --> 00:09:37,645 Well, there's your R-rating right there. 130 00:09:41,314 --> 00:09:42,449 Whoops! 131 00:09:42,482 --> 00:09:45,185 Holy cow! 132 00:09:45,218 --> 00:09:47,320 Oh, this isn't where I parked my car! 133 00:09:48,756 --> 00:09:51,792 ♪ I can't believe he's so trusting 134 00:09:54,561 --> 00:09:58,365 ♪ While I'm right behind you thrusting 135 00:09:58,398 --> 00:10:00,801 ♪ 'Cause Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know 136 00:10:00,834 --> 00:10:02,670 Cooper Harris, you're a pig! 137 00:10:02,703 --> 00:10:05,272 Uh... Candy, you should clean that off before you go. 138 00:10:07,274 --> 00:10:08,608 Clean what off? 139 00:10:08,642 --> 00:10:10,082 You've got a little something on you. 140 00:10:12,980 --> 00:10:14,247 Where? 141 00:10:14,281 --> 00:10:15,683 Right there. 142 00:10:16,583 --> 00:10:18,786 It's like a smudge, or something. 143 00:10:20,487 --> 00:10:21,689 Where? 144 00:10:24,024 --> 00:10:26,226 It's like dirt, or something. Just go like this. 145 00:10:28,361 --> 00:10:29,361 Is it off? 146 00:10:30,197 --> 00:10:31,364 No. Keep rubbing it. 147 00:10:37,570 --> 00:10:41,775 ♪ I did it with her on his birthday 148 00:10:41,809 --> 00:10:44,778 ♪ Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know 149 00:10:44,812 --> 00:10:47,614 ♪ Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know 150 00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:50,383 ♪ Don't tell Scotty Scotty doesn't know 151 00:10:51,852 --> 00:10:53,987 Mmm-hmm... Mmm-hmm... 152 00:10:55,355 --> 00:10:56,790 No, it's just not coming off. 153 00:10:58,458 --> 00:11:00,293 What is it? 154 00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:02,696 It may be tree sap or something. Try pinching it. 155 00:11:05,899 --> 00:11:08,035 No, it's just not coming off I'll tell you what. 156 00:11:08,068 --> 00:11:09,703 Lick your fingers. Get some saliva going. 157 00:11:11,304 --> 00:11:12,304 Like this? 158 00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:14,006 Yeah. 159 00:11:16,877 --> 00:11:18,411 Again, not enough saliva. 160 00:11:30,557 --> 00:11:33,260 Is it off yet? Fine, I'll do it. 161 00:11:33,293 --> 00:11:34,293 Come here. 162 00:11:35,228 --> 00:11:36,864 Oh, my God! Candy! 163 00:11:36,897 --> 00:11:38,832 Cooper! 164 00:11:40,901 --> 00:11:41,935 Hey... 165 00:11:42,970 --> 00:11:44,838 This isn't where I parked my car. 166 00:11:48,441 --> 00:11:49,777 ♪ Scotty doesn't know 167 00:11:58,285 --> 00:12:00,087 Hey. 168 00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:02,756 Scotty doesn't know! Scotty doesn't know! 169 00:12:04,758 --> 00:12:06,193 This band rocks! 170 00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:08,428 Yeah! 171 00:12:32,052 --> 00:12:34,087 Mail, motherfucker! 172 00:12:41,728 --> 00:12:43,263 Hey, Mieke. 173 00:12:43,296 --> 00:12:44,932 "Dear Scott, 174 00:12:44,965 --> 00:12:46,633 "I was very sad to hear 175 00:12:46,666 --> 00:12:49,202 "about your lady woman Fiona dumping you. 176 00:12:49,236 --> 00:12:51,238 "Since you no longer have a girlfriend, 177 00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:53,140 "maybe I could come to America 178 00:12:53,173 --> 00:12:54,933 "and we could get to know each other better." 179 00:12:55,342 --> 00:12:56,443 "Perhaps we could..." 180 00:12:57,911 --> 00:12:59,212 "Zussamen." 181 00:13:00,180 --> 00:13:02,449 What the fuck is "zussamen"? 182 00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:10,790 "Arrange a meeting." 183 00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:14,661 No, no, no! Come on! Cooper was right. 184 00:13:14,694 --> 00:13:16,054 This guy wants to have sex with me. 185 00:13:17,764 --> 00:13:19,032 "Listen, Mieke... 186 00:13:20,333 --> 00:13:22,369 "I don't want to arrange any meetings with you, 187 00:13:23,503 --> 00:13:25,906 "you sick, German freak. 188 00:13:25,939 --> 00:13:29,009 "So please keep your hands off my genitals, 189 00:13:29,042 --> 00:13:31,111 "and never write to me again, 190 00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:32,512 "and don't come to America." 191 00:13:33,546 --> 00:13:34,546 "Goodbye." 192 00:13:39,752 --> 00:13:41,488 Ow. 193 00:13:55,035 --> 00:13:58,705 I'm never drinking again. Oh, that's nice. 194 00:14:03,110 --> 00:14:04,444 Bert, what are you doing? 195 00:14:04,477 --> 00:14:05,946 Reading your email. 196 00:14:05,979 --> 00:14:07,180 Don't do that. 197 00:14:10,150 --> 00:14:11,451 Why are you wearing my bathrobe? 198 00:14:12,519 --> 00:14:14,121 Oh, I'm sorry... 199 00:14:14,154 --> 00:14:16,523 But somebody pissed all over mine last night. 200 00:14:19,326 --> 00:14:21,929 Wow. I can't believe this German chick 201 00:14:21,962 --> 00:14:23,863 wants to come here and hook up with you. 202 00:14:23,897 --> 00:14:25,417 I don't think so, buddy. Mieke's a guy. 203 00:14:26,066 --> 00:14:27,767 No, it says right here, 204 00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:29,369 "trauriges Madchen." 205 00:14:29,402 --> 00:14:31,905 "I was a sad girl to hear about Fiona." 206 00:14:31,939 --> 00:14:33,573 Fuckin' A, Scott. 207 00:14:33,606 --> 00:14:36,944 I'm taking "Intro to German," and even I know that. 208 00:14:37,377 --> 00:14:38,711 Come here. 209 00:14:38,745 --> 00:14:41,014 He sent me a picture, retardo. 210 00:14:41,048 --> 00:14:44,484 See? That's a picture of Mieke and his cute cousin, Jan. 211 00:14:44,517 --> 00:14:46,553 No, retardo. 212 00:14:46,586 --> 00:14:48,888 That's Jan, a man's name, 213 00:14:48,922 --> 00:14:50,323 and that's not "Mike," 214 00:14:50,357 --> 00:14:53,460 it's "Mieke," a common German girl's name, 215 00:14:53,493 --> 00:14:55,662 similar to our Michelle. 216 00:14:55,695 --> 00:14:58,065 I hope you wrote her back and told her to come visit. 217 00:15:00,934 --> 00:15:02,202 You didn't? 218 00:15:02,869 --> 00:15:05,105 You thought she was a guy! 219 00:15:05,138 --> 00:15:08,141 I'm getting the video camera! Ha! 220 00:15:08,175 --> 00:15:10,443 What an asshole! 221 00:15:11,044 --> 00:15:12,112 No. 222 00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:13,579 No. 223 00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:15,648 No! 224 00:15:47,747 --> 00:15:49,682 "Address blocked"? "Email not delivered." 225 00:15:49,716 --> 00:15:51,384 No... Come on! 226 00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:54,721 Hey, Mom made waffles. 227 00:15:56,056 --> 00:15:58,158 What's going on? I'm in love with my pen pal. 228 00:15:59,526 --> 00:16:00,593 I'm in love with Mieke. 229 00:16:03,796 --> 00:16:06,199 Okay... Okay. 230 00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:10,637 You know what? I was actually expecting this. 231 00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:12,839 Frankly, I'm flattered 232 00:16:12,872 --> 00:16:14,707 you picked me to come out to first. 233 00:16:14,741 --> 00:16:17,677 And don't worry about telling your folks, 'cause... 234 00:16:17,710 --> 00:16:19,112 I think they already know. 235 00:16:19,146 --> 00:16:20,847 No, you idiot. Mike is a girl. 236 00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:22,382 No, no, I get it. Yeah. 237 00:16:22,415 --> 00:16:24,417 He's the girl, and you're the girl, 238 00:16:24,451 --> 00:16:26,353 and sometimes you're both the girl. 239 00:16:27,554 --> 00:16:28,554 Right? 240 00:16:29,189 --> 00:16:31,658 Right? That's hot. 241 00:16:31,691 --> 00:16:34,661 But whatever works for you. I'm not gonna judge it. 242 00:16:34,694 --> 00:16:37,197 Will you stop? Look, come here. Look at this picture. 243 00:16:39,266 --> 00:16:40,833 Wow. Who's the hot chick? 244 00:16:40,867 --> 00:16:43,970 That's "Mike." I mean, Mieke. 245 00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:46,773 That's Mieke? That's who you've been writing to all this time? 246 00:16:46,806 --> 00:16:48,741 Until last night, 247 00:16:48,775 --> 00:16:52,712 when I took your advice and told her to keep her "hands off my genitals." 248 00:16:52,745 --> 00:16:55,705 Given what we know now, that seems like the exact opposite of what you want. 249 00:16:58,985 --> 00:17:00,720 This is a total disaster. 250 00:17:00,753 --> 00:17:02,489 Oh, come on. It's not that bad. 251 00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:05,692 Though she is really hot. 252 00:17:05,725 --> 00:17:08,895 You're not listening. I don't even care what she looks like. 253 00:17:08,928 --> 00:17:12,232 Mieke and I had this incredible bond. 254 00:17:12,265 --> 00:17:13,945 I told her things I couldn't even tell you. 255 00:17:15,635 --> 00:17:17,437 Like what? 256 00:17:17,470 --> 00:17:19,272 Nothing. It's a figure of speech, Coop. 257 00:17:19,306 --> 00:17:21,174 No, seriously. What? Nothing. The point... 258 00:17:21,208 --> 00:17:23,210 You like me better, right? Listen... 259 00:17:23,243 --> 00:17:27,414 This girl is not only smart and funny, and stunningly beautiful, 260 00:17:27,447 --> 00:17:29,916 but until I screwed up, she wanted to come 261 00:17:29,949 --> 00:17:32,185 all the way to America, just to be with me. 262 00:17:32,219 --> 00:17:34,254 So do something about it. What can I do? 263 00:17:35,488 --> 00:17:38,591 She blocked her email account, her phone number's not listed. 264 00:17:38,625 --> 00:17:40,385 The only thing I know is she lives in Berlin. 265 00:17:40,727 --> 00:17:41,727 So go to Berlin. 266 00:17:44,030 --> 00:17:46,133 I can't just go to Berlin, Coop. 267 00:17:46,166 --> 00:17:47,634 Why not? Because... 268 00:17:48,201 --> 00:17:50,570 I just can't, OK? 269 00:17:50,603 --> 00:17:52,339 I'm supposed to work for my dad this summer. 270 00:17:52,372 --> 00:17:54,507 It looks good on my med school application. 271 00:17:54,541 --> 00:17:56,509 Oh, Jesus, Scotty! 272 00:17:56,543 --> 00:17:58,811 Man, Fiona was right. You're so predictable. 273 00:18:09,289 --> 00:18:10,857 I'm going to Germany. No... 274 00:18:11,724 --> 00:18:12,759 We're going to Germany. 275 00:18:22,034 --> 00:18:23,512 How are we going to get to Germany? 276 00:18:23,536 --> 00:18:25,172 Don't worry. I've got it covered. 277 00:18:28,208 --> 00:18:29,942 We're going to be couriers? 278 00:18:29,976 --> 00:18:31,711 It's the best way to get a cheap flight. 279 00:18:31,744 --> 00:18:33,384 All we have to do is carry their packages, 280 00:18:33,413 --> 00:18:35,013 and then drop them off when we get there. 281 00:18:35,648 --> 00:18:36,892 My cousin did it when he went to India. 282 00:18:36,916 --> 00:18:38,518 Yeah? Yeah. 283 00:18:38,551 --> 00:18:42,289 Of course, he ended up using a public restroom in New Delhi 284 00:18:42,322 --> 00:18:45,425 and they had to cut off his leg. You know... 285 00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:48,495 But he got there cheap, is what I'm saying. 286 00:18:48,528 --> 00:18:51,831 Okay, I don't have anything to Germany for a week. 287 00:18:51,864 --> 00:18:56,002 But I can get you both to London today for $118. 288 00:18:56,035 --> 00:18:58,638 Anything else? Europe is like the size of the Eastwood mall. 289 00:18:58,671 --> 00:19:00,307 We can walk to Berlin from there. 290 00:19:01,441 --> 00:19:03,243 Cooper, England's an island. 291 00:19:03,276 --> 00:19:05,312 Okay, swim. Whatever. 292 00:19:06,246 --> 00:19:07,280 We'll take it. 293 00:19:22,529 --> 00:19:23,996 Hey. Hmm? 294 00:19:24,030 --> 00:19:25,998 Thanks for coming with me. 295 00:19:26,032 --> 00:19:27,943 I know you had that internship at the law firm this summer. 296 00:19:27,967 --> 00:19:29,469 Well, forget about the law firm. 297 00:19:30,603 --> 00:19:32,805 And don't thank me. I should be thanking you. 298 00:19:34,441 --> 00:19:37,310 This trip is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for me 299 00:19:37,344 --> 00:19:39,512 to broaden my sexual horizons. 300 00:19:39,546 --> 00:19:42,114 What are you talking about? 301 00:19:42,148 --> 00:19:43,916 I'm talking about crazy European sex. 302 00:19:43,950 --> 00:19:44,950 Ah. 303 00:19:46,719 --> 00:19:48,655 You know America was founded by prudes. 304 00:19:49,789 --> 00:19:52,559 Prudes who left Europe, because they hated 305 00:19:52,592 --> 00:19:55,262 all the kinky, steamy European sex that was going on. 306 00:19:56,563 --> 00:19:59,866 And now I, Cooper Harris, 307 00:19:59,899 --> 00:20:03,470 will return to the land of my perverted forefathers 308 00:20:03,503 --> 00:20:07,674 and claim my birthright, which is a series 309 00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:10,577 of erotic and sexually challenging adventures. 310 00:20:12,545 --> 00:20:14,585 You've really thought a lot about this, haven't you? 311 00:20:15,648 --> 00:20:16,716 It's my passion. 312 00:20:32,031 --> 00:20:33,600 Come on, come on! 313 00:20:36,002 --> 00:20:37,504 The adventure begins. 314 00:20:38,305 --> 00:20:40,507 Welcome to Jolly Old England. 315 00:20:40,540 --> 00:20:43,810 Yeah, breathe that sweet, sexy, European air. 316 00:20:45,978 --> 00:20:47,547 Oh. What is that? 317 00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:50,350 It's the phone they gave me at the law firm. 318 00:20:50,383 --> 00:20:51,851 Yeah, it's pretty neat, huh? 319 00:20:51,884 --> 00:20:52,884 Works anywhere. Yeah? 320 00:20:53,786 --> 00:20:54,854 Excuse me. 321 00:20:56,188 --> 00:20:57,390 Cooper here. 322 00:20:58,124 --> 00:20:59,326 Hello, Mr. Walters. 323 00:21:00,427 --> 00:21:02,261 Yes, sir, I'm down in file storage. 324 00:21:03,262 --> 00:21:04,731 Um, hang on one second. 325 00:21:10,970 --> 00:21:13,440 No, sir, I can't find the Gutterman file anywhere. 326 00:21:13,473 --> 00:21:15,442 Yes, sir, I'll keep looking. 327 00:21:15,475 --> 00:21:16,976 I don't rest until I find it. 328 00:21:18,945 --> 00:21:20,923 Didn't tell your boss you were leaving the country? 329 00:21:20,947 --> 00:21:23,049 They would've stopped paying me. It seemed easier. 330 00:21:24,484 --> 00:21:26,786 So, where to? I don't know. 331 00:21:26,819 --> 00:21:28,631 First bus to Berlin doesn't leave till tomorrow morning. 332 00:21:28,655 --> 00:21:31,123 What do you wanna do? Got the Tower of London... 333 00:21:31,157 --> 00:21:32,359 There's Buckingham Palace. 334 00:21:34,126 --> 00:21:35,862 Uh... There's no drinking age. 335 00:21:35,895 --> 00:21:37,364 There you go! Come on. 336 00:21:39,265 --> 00:21:41,401 Hey! "The Fiesty Goat." 337 00:21:45,805 --> 00:21:46,906 All right! 338 00:21:48,007 --> 00:21:49,008 What do you wanna... 339 00:22:00,152 --> 00:22:01,521 Soccer hooligans. 340 00:22:06,726 --> 00:22:08,795 Hey, this isn't where I parked my car! 341 00:22:09,996 --> 00:22:10,997 Oi! 342 00:22:12,365 --> 00:22:13,666 Who the bloody hell are you? 343 00:22:15,668 --> 00:22:17,404 This is a private members bar, 344 00:22:18,337 --> 00:22:20,106 exclusively for the supporters 345 00:22:20,139 --> 00:22:22,074 of the greatest football team in the world... 346 00:22:23,142 --> 00:22:24,544 Manchester United. 347 00:22:25,645 --> 00:22:27,747 Now please, enlighten me. 348 00:22:28,948 --> 00:22:29,949 Who the fuck are you? 349 00:22:30,650 --> 00:22:32,218 That is a good question, 350 00:22:32,251 --> 00:22:33,686 and... Scotty? 351 00:22:34,286 --> 00:22:35,422 Huh? 352 00:22:38,891 --> 00:22:41,394 We're the Manchester United fan club... 353 00:22:42,729 --> 00:22:43,830 From Ohio. 354 00:22:45,364 --> 00:22:47,634 If you're Manchester United supporters... 355 00:22:47,667 --> 00:22:49,569 Sing the Manchester United song. 356 00:22:50,603 --> 00:22:51,638 Excuse me, I'm sorry... 357 00:22:51,671 --> 00:22:53,573 I'm not much of a singer... 358 00:22:53,606 --> 00:22:56,443 Sing! ♪ My baby takes 359 00:22:56,476 --> 00:22:58,144 ♪ The morning train 360 00:22:59,211 --> 00:23:03,550 ♪ He works from 9 to 5 and then 361 00:23:03,583 --> 00:23:08,187 ♪ He takes another home again 362 00:23:08,220 --> 00:23:10,122 ♪ To find me... 363 00:23:11,724 --> 00:23:15,895 Watching the Manchester United football team! 364 00:23:15,928 --> 00:23:17,464 Eh? 365 00:23:17,497 --> 00:23:20,467 The best freakin' team in all the land! Whoo-hoo! 366 00:23:28,174 --> 00:23:29,442 Pretty good. 367 00:23:30,276 --> 00:23:32,311 Pretty dang good, lads! Yeah! 368 00:23:40,419 --> 00:23:44,256 ♪ My baby takes The morning train 369 00:23:44,290 --> 00:23:48,027 ♪ He works from 9 To 5 and then 370 00:23:48,060 --> 00:23:51,731 ♪ He takes another home again 371 00:23:51,764 --> 00:23:56,035 ♪ To find me waiting for him 372 00:23:56,068 --> 00:23:59,739 ♪ He's always on that morning train ♪ 373 00:24:02,942 --> 00:24:05,377 I've unblocked your email address, 374 00:24:05,411 --> 00:24:07,814 but this Scott is not responding. 375 00:24:10,116 --> 00:24:11,450 He was the one. 376 00:24:14,554 --> 00:24:16,188 I was going to give myself to him. 377 00:24:18,024 --> 00:24:20,059 Perhaps you should give yourself to someone else... 378 00:24:24,096 --> 00:24:25,131 Fraulein. 379 00:24:46,619 --> 00:24:48,020 I'm never drinking again. 380 00:24:49,055 --> 00:24:50,857 Coop, wake up. 381 00:24:50,890 --> 00:24:53,259 Oh, man, that was a wild night. 382 00:24:56,162 --> 00:24:57,597 You think? 383 00:25:05,504 --> 00:25:07,707 Scotty, where the hell are we going? 384 00:25:07,740 --> 00:25:09,676 Don't worry. If anything bad happens, 385 00:25:09,709 --> 00:25:11,077 my parents will find us. 386 00:25:11,744 --> 00:25:13,846 Honey, where's Scotty? 387 00:25:14,814 --> 00:25:16,415 Cooper said they were going camping. 388 00:25:16,448 --> 00:25:18,651 Oh, that's nice. 389 00:25:19,719 --> 00:25:20,887 And where's Bert? 390 00:25:21,353 --> 00:25:22,589 Fuck if I know. 391 00:25:33,866 --> 00:25:37,737 Hey! How are you, you scalawag! 392 00:25:37,770 --> 00:25:40,372 Look, given the current geopolitical climate, 393 00:25:40,406 --> 00:25:42,875 all European countries should have a seat at the table. 394 00:25:42,909 --> 00:25:45,912 Right. Except those fucking Ities. 395 00:25:45,945 --> 00:25:47,614 I hate them Italian bastards. 396 00:25:48,447 --> 00:25:50,082 You know what I mean? Excuse me. 397 00:25:50,116 --> 00:25:51,550 Hello, boyo! 398 00:25:51,584 --> 00:25:53,419 What the hell happened last night? 399 00:25:53,452 --> 00:25:56,055 You got steamed up, pissed as a fart. 400 00:25:56,088 --> 00:25:57,323 Too much sauce, son. 401 00:25:58,024 --> 00:25:59,225 Don't worry. 402 00:25:59,258 --> 00:26:01,928 We come and got ya so you wouldn't miss the trip. 403 00:26:01,961 --> 00:26:03,162 What trip? 404 00:26:04,664 --> 00:26:05,965 Where are we going? 405 00:26:05,998 --> 00:26:07,342 What do you mean, where are we going? 406 00:26:07,366 --> 00:26:10,369 We're going to see the Mighty Reds do the frogs in Paris. 407 00:26:10,402 --> 00:26:11,570 Aren't we, boys? 408 00:26:11,604 --> 00:26:13,072 Yeah! 409 00:26:14,240 --> 00:26:16,008 Why are you yelling at me? 410 00:26:16,042 --> 00:26:18,678 So I tell the swamp donkey to sock it 411 00:26:18,711 --> 00:26:21,447 before I give her a trunky in the tradesman's entrance 412 00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:23,182 and have her lick me yardballs! 413 00:26:25,584 --> 00:26:27,754 Wow. 414 00:26:27,787 --> 00:26:30,690 You guys are on like a completely different level of swearing over here. 415 00:26:30,723 --> 00:26:33,660 Coop? Cooper, we're going to Paris. 416 00:26:33,693 --> 00:26:34,927 I know. Cecil told me. 417 00:26:35,928 --> 00:26:38,597 Mieke's in Berlin. We're not going to Berlin. 418 00:26:38,631 --> 00:26:40,266 What are we gonna do? We need a plan. 419 00:26:40,299 --> 00:26:43,035 See what I'm talking about? This is predictable Scotty talking. 420 00:26:44,136 --> 00:26:46,873 Relax. Paris is practically a suburb of Berlin. 421 00:26:46,906 --> 00:26:49,141 It's a nothing commute. 422 00:26:49,175 --> 00:26:51,053 This is why France and Germany have always been allies. 423 00:26:51,077 --> 00:26:52,078 Allies. 424 00:26:54,947 --> 00:26:58,350 The twins. The twins were in Paris, right? 425 00:26:58,384 --> 00:27:01,253 We could give them a call. They could help us out. Let me see your phone. 426 00:27:01,287 --> 00:27:04,048 All right, but I'm really only supposed to use this for business calls. 427 00:27:04,523 --> 00:27:05,825 Hey, don't... 428 00:27:24,176 --> 00:27:27,213 You're on the wrong side of the road, you snail-eating puffs. 429 00:27:27,246 --> 00:27:30,783 Fuck off! Go on, you Gaelic fucking garlic-breath tossers! 430 00:27:31,718 --> 00:27:33,352 Piss off! Get in here and say that, 431 00:27:33,385 --> 00:27:35,321 you froggy Itie shities! 432 00:27:39,491 --> 00:27:41,460 Fucking beep! 433 00:27:41,493 --> 00:27:44,463 We'll beep, you bastard, all over your fucking nose! 434 00:27:44,496 --> 00:27:45,965 Get out of the way! Piss off! 435 00:27:54,406 --> 00:27:55,908 Hey, lads! 436 00:27:55,942 --> 00:27:58,310 That wanker's got a frog football shirt on! 437 00:27:58,344 --> 00:28:01,147 Let's give this Nancy a fucking good kicking! 438 00:28:01,180 --> 00:28:02,982 Come on, lads, he's going off! 439 00:28:18,630 --> 00:28:20,299 All right. Twins said they'd meet us here. 440 00:28:21,233 --> 00:28:22,468 Look at that! 441 00:28:22,501 --> 00:28:24,070 There they are. Come on. Jenny! 442 00:28:24,536 --> 00:28:26,272 Jamie! Hey! 443 00:28:26,305 --> 00:28:27,506 Come here! 444 00:28:27,539 --> 00:28:28,975 No, no. No, no, no! 445 00:28:29,008 --> 00:28:31,878 Scott, bienvenue a Paris. Thank you. 446 00:28:31,911 --> 00:28:34,246 Is that a new camera? It isn't just a camera, 447 00:28:34,280 --> 00:28:36,515 this is a Leica M7. 448 00:28:36,548 --> 00:28:38,517 Uber-sensitive exposure settings, 449 00:28:38,550 --> 00:28:40,119 legendary cloth shutter system. 450 00:28:40,152 --> 00:28:43,255 Let me see that thing. No can do. 451 00:28:43,289 --> 00:28:45,929 I spent the last four years tutoring lacrosse players to pay for it, 452 00:28:46,625 --> 00:28:49,061 so nobody touches my camera but me. 453 00:28:49,095 --> 00:28:51,663 So it's like your wiener. No, it's not like... 454 00:28:51,697 --> 00:28:54,033 Jenny... Cooper, leave him alone. 455 00:28:54,066 --> 00:28:57,069 Wow, I can't believe you came all the way to Europe for a girl. 456 00:28:57,103 --> 00:28:59,038 Wait, not just any girl. 457 00:28:59,071 --> 00:29:01,173 Show her the picture, Scotty. 458 00:29:01,207 --> 00:29:03,488 She makes every girl in our high school look like a walrus. 459 00:29:03,876 --> 00:29:05,577 I'm a girl from your high school. 460 00:29:05,611 --> 00:29:07,980 No, I mean "girl" girls. 461 00:29:08,014 --> 00:29:09,892 Guys, we're wasting the whole day here. We're in Paris! 462 00:29:09,916 --> 00:29:11,217 Let's go to the Louvre! 463 00:29:11,784 --> 00:29:13,152 To the Louvre! 464 00:29:48,020 --> 00:29:49,956 So, you guys wanna stay here, 465 00:29:49,989 --> 00:29:52,658 or should we check out the huge line at the Eiffel Tower? 466 00:29:52,691 --> 00:29:54,160 Here's a fun fact. 467 00:29:54,193 --> 00:29:56,562 Voltaire contracted syphilis just two blocks from here. 468 00:29:56,595 --> 00:29:57,864 Should we go? 469 00:29:57,897 --> 00:29:59,041 Can we please get out of here? 470 00:29:59,065 --> 00:30:01,000 This guy's really creeping me out. 471 00:30:01,033 --> 00:30:02,935 Who, robot man? 472 00:30:02,969 --> 00:30:04,871 He's just trying to feed his robot family. 473 00:30:04,904 --> 00:30:07,006 I really don't like him. Why? 474 00:30:07,806 --> 00:30:08,774 Because he's doing this? 475 00:30:11,410 --> 00:30:12,879 Okay, seriously, don't do that. 476 00:30:12,912 --> 00:30:14,914 Cooper. Do not hate me. 477 00:30:18,250 --> 00:30:20,552 I am familiar with over 600 dance moves 478 00:30:20,586 --> 00:30:21,888 and I am programmed to get... 479 00:30:26,525 --> 00:30:27,525 Freaky. 480 00:30:40,372 --> 00:30:42,541 You're just upset because people like me better. 481 00:30:42,574 --> 00:30:43,642 It's okay. 482 00:31:09,435 --> 00:31:10,435 Oh! 483 00:31:23,849 --> 00:31:25,017 Fight! Fight! 484 00:31:29,755 --> 00:31:31,090 Break the leg shot! 485 00:31:41,800 --> 00:31:43,002 Ha! Ha! Ha! 486 00:31:48,707 --> 00:31:50,827 Don't look in his eyes, Scotty. Don't look in his eyes! 487 00:31:56,615 --> 00:31:58,184 Ohhh! That was not cool. 488 00:32:23,809 --> 00:32:25,344 Oh! 489 00:32:29,948 --> 00:32:31,283 Guys, let's go. Come on. 490 00:32:35,221 --> 00:32:38,157 Error! Error! Error! 491 00:32:40,059 --> 00:32:42,228 How cool is this? 492 00:32:42,261 --> 00:32:44,363 It's a shame we only get to spend one day together. 493 00:32:44,396 --> 00:32:47,433 Why don't you come to Berlin? Umm, no. 494 00:32:47,466 --> 00:32:50,502 Jamie, come on. In a few months, we all go to different colleges. 495 00:32:50,536 --> 00:32:53,176 This could be the last chance the four of us are together like this. 496 00:32:53,872 --> 00:32:55,607 Plus, we're in Europe. Huh? 497 00:32:56,875 --> 00:32:58,444 This should be the trip of a lifetime. 498 00:32:58,477 --> 00:33:00,246 There's no way we should split up. 499 00:33:01,513 --> 00:33:03,449 All right, this table is now Europe, okay? 500 00:33:05,384 --> 00:33:06,384 Excuse me. 501 00:33:07,086 --> 00:33:09,721 We are right here, in Paris, 502 00:33:09,755 --> 00:33:12,258 and I have got to get to Mieke, 503 00:33:12,291 --> 00:33:14,860 who is over here, in Berlin. 504 00:33:14,893 --> 00:33:16,962 If you come with us, I'm sure there's a ton 505 00:33:16,995 --> 00:33:18,530 of great stuff to see along the way. 506 00:33:20,099 --> 00:33:22,934 We can go to Denmark. I love Denmark. 507 00:33:22,968 --> 00:33:25,104 We gotta hit Amsterdam. Definitely. 508 00:33:26,038 --> 00:33:27,573 And the cathedral at Cameret! 509 00:33:30,176 --> 00:33:32,044 Yeah... Maybe. We'll see. 510 00:33:32,078 --> 00:33:33,745 Whatever. If there's time. 511 00:33:36,215 --> 00:33:38,455 Come on! I really want you to be there when I meet Mieke. 512 00:33:39,318 --> 00:33:40,552 Fine. 513 00:33:40,586 --> 00:33:41,586 Excellent! All right! 514 00:33:42,154 --> 00:33:43,422 A toast! Yes! 515 00:33:45,157 --> 00:33:46,792 To Mieke! To Europe! 516 00:33:47,659 --> 00:33:48,659 To Europe! 517 00:33:49,495 --> 00:33:50,496 Merci. 518 00:33:52,164 --> 00:33:54,866 Berlin, here we come! All right. 519 00:33:54,900 --> 00:33:56,100 Better let me hold on to those. 520 00:34:01,006 --> 00:34:02,974 What the hell is that? 521 00:34:03,008 --> 00:34:04,676 It's a traveler's money belt. 522 00:34:04,710 --> 00:34:06,254 Frommer's says as long as you have one of these, 523 00:34:06,278 --> 00:34:07,779 no one can rob you of anything. 524 00:34:08,680 --> 00:34:10,116 Except your dignity. 525 00:34:10,149 --> 00:34:11,450 No, you just put that in your... 526 00:34:12,551 --> 00:34:13,551 Wait... What? 527 00:34:14,686 --> 00:34:16,222 Come on, guidebook. Let's go. 528 00:34:19,425 --> 00:34:20,559 Check it out. 529 00:34:21,127 --> 00:34:22,494 European ass. 530 00:34:25,597 --> 00:34:26,698 What's up? 531 00:34:30,068 --> 00:34:32,304 Oh, Jesus, Jenny. I thought you were some... 532 00:34:33,872 --> 00:34:35,407 ...girl. Come on. Platform 4. 533 00:34:36,308 --> 00:34:37,376 Thanks. 534 00:34:39,611 --> 00:34:40,611 Damn! 535 00:34:44,450 --> 00:34:46,130 I believe this is yours. 536 00:34:50,122 --> 00:34:51,290 Pleased to meet you. 537 00:34:51,790 --> 00:34:53,459 My name is Christoph. 538 00:34:53,492 --> 00:34:55,461 - Jenny, let's go! - Move it! 539 00:34:57,163 --> 00:34:59,898 Those are my friends. We're supposed to get on a train to Berlin... 540 00:34:59,931 --> 00:35:01,533 Jenny! I'm coming! 541 00:35:02,934 --> 00:35:04,703 So, it was really nice to meet you. 542 00:35:05,971 --> 00:35:07,139 The pleasure was all mine... 543 00:35:09,141 --> 00:35:10,376 Jennifer. 544 00:35:55,221 --> 00:35:57,956 ♪ Scotty doesn't know that Fiona and me 545 00:35:57,989 --> 00:36:00,392 ♪ Do it in my van on Sundays 546 00:36:00,426 --> 00:36:01,760 ♪ Tells him she's... 547 00:36:01,793 --> 00:36:02,793 What? 548 00:36:04,230 --> 00:36:06,164 You gotta admit, it's a really catchy tune. 549 00:36:08,834 --> 00:36:12,003 ♪ Tells him she's in church but she doesn't go 550 00:36:12,037 --> 00:36:15,774 ♪ Still she's on her knees and Scotty doesn't know 551 00:36:15,807 --> 00:36:17,476 ♪ Scotty doesn't know 552 00:36:17,509 --> 00:36:18,844 ♪ Scotty doesn't... Buongiorno. 553 00:36:23,315 --> 00:36:24,383 Buongiorno. 554 00:36:33,024 --> 00:36:35,661 You know, there are a lot of other empty compartments. 555 00:36:36,027 --> 00:36:37,027 Huh? 556 00:36:37,829 --> 00:36:39,498 Ah! Si... 557 00:36:39,898 --> 00:36:41,199 Si. 558 00:37:14,232 --> 00:37:15,434 Pardon me. 559 00:37:15,867 --> 00:37:16,867 Eh? 560 00:37:18,304 --> 00:37:19,505 Ohhh... 561 00:37:20,005 --> 00:37:21,005 Scusi. 562 00:37:22,641 --> 00:37:23,709 Mi scusi. 563 00:37:48,867 --> 00:37:49,868 Hi. 564 00:37:50,736 --> 00:37:51,770 Buongiorno. 565 00:38:04,082 --> 00:38:05,851 What the hell are you doing? 566 00:38:05,884 --> 00:38:07,653 Mi scusi, mi scusi. 567 00:38:07,686 --> 00:38:09,488 No! No, no, no! 568 00:38:09,521 --> 00:38:11,323 Mi scusi, mi scusi, mi scusi. 569 00:38:11,357 --> 00:38:12,758 Uh-oh. What? 570 00:38:13,158 --> 00:38:14,393 Big tunnel. 571 00:38:17,996 --> 00:38:19,931 Who's touching me? Scotty, is that you? 572 00:38:21,567 --> 00:38:23,068 Who's touching me? Scotty? 573 00:38:28,974 --> 00:38:30,376 Oh! 574 00:38:32,310 --> 00:38:33,512 Scusi. 575 00:38:56,902 --> 00:38:57,936 Buongiorno. 576 00:39:06,912 --> 00:39:08,814 Crans Sur Mer. We change trains here. 577 00:39:11,483 --> 00:39:13,519 Well, we got a couple of hours to kill. 578 00:39:14,319 --> 00:39:15,987 What's there to see in this town? 579 00:39:16,021 --> 00:39:19,190 Hello? The Monument des Poissonnieres. 580 00:39:19,224 --> 00:39:22,661 It's a monument to all the local fishermen who were lost at sea. 581 00:39:22,694 --> 00:39:25,397 Frommer's says it's supposed to be... "Quite moving." 582 00:39:25,431 --> 00:39:28,867 What the hell is wrong with you, C-3PO? 583 00:39:28,900 --> 00:39:30,836 We're here to see Europe, not some crappy statue. 584 00:39:32,103 --> 00:39:33,672 I'm taking a nap. 585 00:39:33,705 --> 00:39:35,741 Wake me up when the train gets here. 586 00:39:35,774 --> 00:39:38,877 Hmm. Says here this town has a famous nude beach. 587 00:39:38,910 --> 00:39:41,680 All right, we can't all just lie around all day. 588 00:39:41,713 --> 00:39:44,282 We gotta get out there and experience the culture firsthand. 589 00:39:44,315 --> 00:39:45,551 Let's go exploring! 590 00:39:49,421 --> 00:39:50,989 So, what's the etiquette on boners? 591 00:39:51,957 --> 00:39:53,859 Do I roll over and dig out a hole for it, 592 00:39:53,892 --> 00:39:55,894 or is it cool to just let my flag fly? 593 00:39:57,028 --> 00:39:58,464 Wait, wait. 594 00:39:59,631 --> 00:40:02,000 Does "nude beach" mean we have to get naked, too? 595 00:40:02,033 --> 00:40:03,802 Of course. 596 00:40:03,835 --> 00:40:05,537 Do you think you can go an hour 597 00:40:05,571 --> 00:40:07,739 without your currency colostomy bag? 598 00:40:07,773 --> 00:40:10,976 As long as this thing has our money and passports in it, 599 00:40:11,009 --> 00:40:14,245 it's not coming off, and my trunks won't come off, either. 600 00:40:14,279 --> 00:40:15,947 Come on. 601 00:40:15,981 --> 00:40:18,049 You came all the way to Europe. 602 00:40:18,083 --> 00:40:19,150 Can't wimp out now. 603 00:40:21,853 --> 00:40:23,254 Okay. 604 00:40:23,288 --> 00:40:24,923 All right, on the count of three. 605 00:40:24,956 --> 00:40:26,124 Here we go. 606 00:40:26,157 --> 00:40:28,293 Three, two, one... 607 00:40:28,326 --> 00:40:30,562 Look at Jamie's penis! 608 00:40:30,596 --> 00:40:32,363 Very funny. Very funny. 609 00:40:32,397 --> 00:40:33,665 All right. 610 00:40:35,634 --> 00:40:38,470 Let the crazy European sex odyssey begin. 611 00:40:38,504 --> 00:40:39,505 Here we go. Really? 612 00:40:39,538 --> 00:40:40,639 Yes. Mmm-hmm. 613 00:40:44,242 --> 00:40:47,746 Hello, ladies! 614 00:40:53,051 --> 00:40:55,521 Ladies? Bitches? 615 00:41:02,894 --> 00:41:05,764 Ew! What a rip! There's no nude girls here, 616 00:41:05,797 --> 00:41:07,966 just guys like us looking for nude girls. 617 00:41:07,999 --> 00:41:09,067 I don't understand. 618 00:41:10,468 --> 00:41:13,404 "Crans Sur Mer has one of the best nude beaches on the continent. 619 00:41:13,438 --> 00:41:14,773 "However... 620 00:41:18,476 --> 00:41:20,478 "During the summer, the European women 621 00:41:20,512 --> 00:41:22,748 "are chased away by gawking male tourists, 622 00:41:22,781 --> 00:41:25,083 "so Europe's most nubile exhibitionists 623 00:41:25,116 --> 00:41:26,193 "head to the deserted beach 624 00:41:26,217 --> 00:41:28,554 "next to the Monument des Poissonnieres." 625 00:41:45,270 --> 00:41:48,740 There's so many penises. 626 00:41:48,774 --> 00:41:51,843 Frommer's tried to tell you, but you just didn't listen. 627 00:41:51,877 --> 00:41:54,045 This is the biggest sausage fest on earth. 628 00:41:54,079 --> 00:41:56,481 It's the international house of sausage. 629 00:41:56,514 --> 00:41:57,849 Hey! 630 00:41:59,585 --> 00:42:01,086 Thanks for waiting. 631 00:42:01,119 --> 00:42:03,889 You're not missing anything. It's all guys. 632 00:42:05,657 --> 00:42:06,925 At least the sun's out. 633 00:42:13,231 --> 00:42:15,000 ♪ Dreams come true 634 00:42:25,744 --> 00:42:28,213 ♪ I made my dreams come true 635 00:42:29,848 --> 00:42:32,050 ♪ My dreams come true 636 00:42:34,920 --> 00:42:36,688 Holy crap! 637 00:42:36,722 --> 00:42:38,556 What? I thought this was a nude beach. 638 00:42:39,357 --> 00:42:40,357 No! 639 00:42:46,464 --> 00:42:48,033 - Huh? - No, no... 640 00:42:48,066 --> 00:42:49,677 What? What are you doing? Jenny, you gotta cover up. 641 00:42:49,701 --> 00:42:50,969 Cover up, cover up, cover up! 642 00:42:51,002 --> 00:42:52,337 Girl? 643 00:42:52,370 --> 00:42:53,370 Girl! 644 00:42:54,539 --> 00:42:58,043 Ooh, girl. Girl... Girl. 645 00:42:59,044 --> 00:43:01,212 Girl... Girl... 646 00:43:01,579 --> 00:43:02,748 Run! 647 00:43:09,454 --> 00:43:11,522 I'm not gonna make it. 648 00:43:11,556 --> 00:43:13,358 Go on without me. All right. See ya. 649 00:43:17,528 --> 00:43:19,097 Chica! Chica! 650 00:43:26,638 --> 00:43:28,940 Chica! Chica! 651 00:43:38,917 --> 00:43:41,352 Are you reading Mieke's old emails again? 652 00:43:41,386 --> 00:43:42,821 Yeah. 653 00:43:45,356 --> 00:43:48,626 I have no idea what I'm going to say to that girl when I see her. 654 00:43:50,128 --> 00:43:51,830 You know, she said I might be the one? 655 00:43:53,098 --> 00:43:54,232 That's huge. 656 00:43:55,166 --> 00:43:57,002 I've never been "the one" before. 657 00:43:58,737 --> 00:44:02,307 Thought I was "the one" With Fiona, but turns out I was, what, 101? 658 00:44:02,340 --> 00:44:03,675 200. 200! 659 00:44:05,010 --> 00:44:07,612 Look, you got nothing to worry about. 660 00:44:07,645 --> 00:44:10,081 You'll show up and sweep her off her German feet. 661 00:44:12,483 --> 00:44:13,685 Thanks. 662 00:44:21,226 --> 00:44:22,226 Yeah. 663 00:44:23,661 --> 00:44:25,130 I will, won't I? 664 00:44:28,734 --> 00:44:30,401 I'm so sad and lonely. 665 00:44:31,136 --> 00:44:33,638 I just wish someone would show up 666 00:44:33,671 --> 00:44:35,774 and sweep me off my German feet. 667 00:44:36,307 --> 00:44:38,276 Mieke! I'm here. 668 00:44:39,110 --> 00:44:40,812 Scotty! 669 00:44:40,846 --> 00:44:42,781 About that last email. I'm so sorry... 670 00:44:42,814 --> 00:44:45,250 The past is the past. You're here now. 671 00:44:46,051 --> 00:44:48,153 I've been saving myself for you. 672 00:44:49,988 --> 00:44:52,290 Let us make love for one whole month. 673 00:44:56,762 --> 00:44:58,296 Touch me, Scotty. 674 00:45:02,100 --> 00:45:03,101 Okay. 675 00:45:22,087 --> 00:45:23,221 Oh, Scott... 676 00:45:24,689 --> 00:45:26,224 Mi bello. 677 00:45:27,358 --> 00:45:28,426 Mi bello. 678 00:45:29,594 --> 00:45:31,496 Mi bello. 679 00:45:33,464 --> 00:45:35,066 Mi bello. 680 00:45:36,634 --> 00:45:38,069 Mi bello. 681 00:45:44,475 --> 00:45:45,543 Mi scusi. 682 00:45:50,081 --> 00:45:51,149 Mi scusi! 683 00:45:51,917 --> 00:45:55,453 ♪ Hot stuff baby this evening 684 00:45:55,486 --> 00:45:57,856 ♪ Gotta have some hot stuff 685 00:45:57,889 --> 00:46:00,458 ♪ Gotta have some love tonight 686 00:46:00,491 --> 00:46:03,361 ♪ Hot stuff 687 00:46:19,410 --> 00:46:21,679 Guys, our train doesn't leave till morning. 688 00:46:21,712 --> 00:46:23,514 Where will we sleep tonight? 689 00:46:23,548 --> 00:46:25,050 What do you mean, sleep? 690 00:46:25,083 --> 00:46:27,318 We can sleep on the train tomorrow. 691 00:46:27,352 --> 00:46:30,355 This is the best thing that could've happened. We're in Amsterdam! 692 00:46:30,388 --> 00:46:32,390 This is the drug and sex capital of Europe! 693 00:46:33,691 --> 00:46:34,860 Take a look at this. 694 00:46:37,896 --> 00:46:39,931 "Club Vandersexxx." 695 00:46:41,032 --> 00:46:43,734 "The red light district's hottest sex club." 696 00:46:43,768 --> 00:46:46,071 We have to check it out. Who's with me? 697 00:46:46,104 --> 00:46:47,138 I'll go. 698 00:46:48,339 --> 00:46:50,775 Fine. Since no one else is willing to go, 699 00:46:50,808 --> 00:46:52,010 I'll just go myself. 700 00:47:07,458 --> 00:47:08,860 ♪ I see 701 00:47:09,995 --> 00:47:12,530 ♪ You're waiting for me 702 00:47:13,932 --> 00:47:16,201 This is definitely where I parked my car. 703 00:47:19,537 --> 00:47:20,538 Hello there. 704 00:47:23,608 --> 00:47:25,843 Welcome to Club Vandersexxx... 705 00:47:25,877 --> 00:47:28,980 Amsterdam's most erotic club, 706 00:47:29,014 --> 00:47:32,283 where your every fantasy will be fulfilled. 707 00:47:32,317 --> 00:47:34,920 Also says I get a free T-shirt with flyer. 708 00:47:37,855 --> 00:47:39,024 He's American. 709 00:47:40,358 --> 00:47:44,429 How sad for you to grow up in a country founded by prudes. 710 00:47:45,430 --> 00:47:48,066 A country overrun with crime and illiteracy. 711 00:47:49,300 --> 00:47:52,170 A country where a man is forced to make sex 712 00:47:52,203 --> 00:47:54,039 to only one woman at a time, 713 00:47:54,072 --> 00:47:56,607 and one must learn the woman's name beforehand. 714 00:47:57,642 --> 00:47:59,377 It was horrible. I know. 715 00:48:00,578 --> 00:48:03,048 But you can come with me... 716 00:48:03,081 --> 00:48:05,583 And let the Vandersexxx begin. 717 00:48:10,455 --> 00:48:14,059 ♪ Marijuana in my soul 718 00:48:14,092 --> 00:48:16,027 ♪ Your iguana in my hall 719 00:48:16,061 --> 00:48:17,795 I can't believe we're doing this. 720 00:48:17,828 --> 00:48:20,966 Don't worry. Hash brownies are totally legal here. 721 00:48:22,667 --> 00:48:25,336 You're gonna enjoy these, man. These are magical. 722 00:48:25,370 --> 00:48:27,939 ♪ I like to smoke marijuana 723 00:48:30,675 --> 00:48:32,043 You wanna do this? Yeah. 724 00:48:37,915 --> 00:48:39,750 Hi. Hi. 725 00:48:39,784 --> 00:48:42,053 I need a new battery for my camera... 726 00:48:42,087 --> 00:48:43,989 And while you're at it, it could use a cleaning. 727 00:48:44,655 --> 00:48:45,655 Wow. 728 00:48:46,958 --> 00:48:48,726 Is that a Leica M6? 729 00:48:48,759 --> 00:48:50,261 Actually, it's an M7. 730 00:48:50,295 --> 00:48:52,030 It's got the built-in light meter. 731 00:48:53,431 --> 00:48:54,532 It's so beautiful. 732 00:48:55,666 --> 00:48:57,535 So sleek, so powerful. 733 00:48:58,703 --> 00:49:00,471 How's the new lens system? 734 00:49:00,505 --> 00:49:04,009 Makes the Nikon look like a disposable. 735 00:49:05,276 --> 00:49:06,611 You really know your cameras. 736 00:49:08,513 --> 00:49:09,513 And you're very cute. 737 00:49:10,015 --> 00:49:12,150 Me? Really? 738 00:49:13,651 --> 00:49:15,520 I'm going on break. 739 00:49:15,553 --> 00:49:17,513 I was going to step out back and have a cigarette. 740 00:49:17,955 --> 00:49:19,157 Would you like to join me? 741 00:49:19,991 --> 00:49:21,626 I don't smoke. 742 00:49:22,994 --> 00:49:24,195 Neither do I. 743 00:49:31,769 --> 00:49:33,338 Hold on, hold on. 744 00:49:33,371 --> 00:49:34,405 What is it? 745 00:49:35,373 --> 00:49:36,373 This is great! 746 00:49:37,175 --> 00:49:38,376 You're so innocent. 747 00:49:40,445 --> 00:49:42,347 Let's change that... Shall we? 748 00:49:45,250 --> 00:49:47,185 What would you like me to do? 749 00:49:47,218 --> 00:49:49,820 Well... I don't really know... 750 00:49:49,854 --> 00:49:51,414 I guess I really haven't done that much. 751 00:49:52,657 --> 00:49:56,294 I haven't really found the time, with all my extracurriculars, 752 00:49:56,327 --> 00:49:59,597 and model UN., advanced placement classes, after-school tutor... 753 00:49:59,630 --> 00:50:01,266 Ah! 754 00:50:03,368 --> 00:50:06,404 Gosh, you really like cameras! 755 00:50:06,437 --> 00:50:10,075 Sometimes, we find our clients are so overwhelmed with the pleasure, 756 00:50:10,108 --> 00:50:13,044 that they sometimes scream out, "no," 757 00:50:13,078 --> 00:50:15,113 when really they mean "yes." 758 00:50:16,481 --> 00:50:18,616 And this is why we have the safe word. 759 00:50:20,017 --> 00:50:21,352 The safe word? 760 00:50:22,587 --> 00:50:25,223 If at any time the ecstasy gets too great, 761 00:50:25,256 --> 00:50:27,058 you just use the safe word. 762 00:50:28,693 --> 00:50:31,562 Until we hear the safe word, we will not stop. 763 00:50:32,830 --> 00:50:34,365 Yeah, right. Stop. All right. 764 00:50:35,200 --> 00:50:38,236 We're going to start slowly, 765 00:50:38,269 --> 00:50:42,407 teasing you with a little light erotic foreplay. 766 00:50:42,440 --> 00:50:44,175 Whee! 767 00:50:44,209 --> 00:50:47,312 Oh, yes, ladies! 768 00:50:47,978 --> 00:50:50,047 On, on, Vandersexxx! 769 00:50:57,488 --> 00:50:59,190 Hans! Gruber! 770 00:51:03,461 --> 00:51:04,461 Hi. 771 00:51:15,806 --> 00:51:18,876 So, are the girls coming back? 772 00:51:18,909 --> 00:51:21,546 Administer the testicle clamps! 773 00:51:21,579 --> 00:51:23,714 Huh? What? Hey! 774 00:51:30,555 --> 00:51:31,556 Safe word! 775 00:51:39,697 --> 00:51:41,732 What is that? That's not a word, it's a... 776 00:51:47,738 --> 00:51:48,873 Fluggen! 777 00:51:55,546 --> 00:51:57,248 Okay, Mister, don't move. Excuse me? 778 00:51:57,282 --> 00:51:59,184 Shut the hell up! 779 00:51:59,217 --> 00:52:01,352 Oh, brother! Please don't hurt me. 780 00:52:01,386 --> 00:52:04,489 Oh, no... You're fine. That's good. You're fine. 781 00:52:04,522 --> 00:52:06,324 Give me cash? You got cash? Give me cash? 782 00:52:06,357 --> 00:52:08,326 Take it all, you dirty girl. 783 00:52:08,959 --> 00:52:10,060 What? 784 00:52:10,094 --> 00:52:11,629 Your wallet! Focus! 785 00:52:13,598 --> 00:52:15,466 Give it to me. Oh! 786 00:52:15,933 --> 00:52:17,468 Oh, I love you! 787 00:52:17,902 --> 00:52:19,337 I love you! 788 00:52:20,171 --> 00:52:22,540 I love you! 789 00:52:22,573 --> 00:52:24,742 I love you! 790 00:52:37,087 --> 00:52:38,589 What's so funny? 791 00:52:47,498 --> 00:52:50,201 I'm really hungry. I think I've got the munchies. 792 00:52:50,868 --> 00:52:51,868 Excuse me. Huh? 793 00:52:54,272 --> 00:52:57,242 It's hot in here. You hot? 'Cause I'm really hot. 794 00:52:57,275 --> 00:52:59,677 So good. Okay, I can't breathe! God! 795 00:52:59,710 --> 00:53:01,246 I'm freaking out! 796 00:53:01,279 --> 00:53:03,281 I think we got a bad batch 'cause I'm freaking out. 797 00:53:03,314 --> 00:53:04,782 I can't... I can't do this. 798 00:53:06,050 --> 00:53:08,719 I saw a gay porno once. I didn't know until halfway in. 799 00:53:10,255 --> 00:53:13,658 The girls never came. The girls never came! 800 00:53:13,691 --> 00:53:15,293 I am freaking out! 801 00:53:17,027 --> 00:53:18,496 Everything all right with you? 802 00:53:18,529 --> 00:53:20,365 No, nothing's all right. 803 00:53:20,398 --> 00:53:22,166 You sold us a bad batch of hash brownies. 804 00:53:22,199 --> 00:53:24,435 You're a bad Rastafarian. 805 00:53:24,469 --> 00:53:26,671 These are not hash brownies. 806 00:53:27,605 --> 00:53:28,605 Hmm? 807 00:53:30,475 --> 00:53:33,444 What was that? We do not sell hash brownies here. 808 00:53:33,478 --> 00:53:35,246 We're a simple Dutch bakery! 809 00:53:39,717 --> 00:53:41,286 Now put your clothes back on, white boy! 810 00:53:43,254 --> 00:53:44,422 Ow! Ow! Ow! 811 00:53:46,291 --> 00:53:47,692 "Fluggengegeholen!" 812 00:53:49,960 --> 00:53:51,929 Did you say fluggegecheimen? 813 00:53:51,962 --> 00:53:53,564 Yes! Yes! 814 00:53:53,598 --> 00:53:55,766 For the love of God, fluggengecheimen! 815 00:53:56,701 --> 00:53:57,802 Are you sure? 816 00:53:57,835 --> 00:53:58,903 Yes, please. 817 00:53:59,937 --> 00:54:00,937 As you wish. 818 00:54:02,707 --> 00:54:04,509 Bring on the fluggegecheimen! 819 00:54:07,778 --> 00:54:08,778 Wait... What? 820 00:54:10,014 --> 00:54:11,015 Uh-oh. 821 00:54:12,850 --> 00:54:15,252 No, no, no! I didn't say fluggegecheimen, 822 00:54:15,286 --> 00:54:17,054 I said, uh... 823 00:54:36,874 --> 00:54:38,008 What'd you do last night? 824 00:54:40,578 --> 00:54:41,846 I don't want to talk about it. 825 00:54:43,013 --> 00:54:44,181 What did you guys do? 826 00:54:44,214 --> 00:54:45,650 Don't want to talk about it. 827 00:54:48,819 --> 00:54:49,819 What is that? 828 00:54:50,855 --> 00:54:51,856 Free T-shirt. 829 00:54:57,161 --> 00:54:58,429 Hey, guys. 830 00:55:00,164 --> 00:55:01,298 What happened to you? 831 00:55:01,799 --> 00:55:02,799 I got robbed. 832 00:55:03,701 --> 00:55:04,702 It was awesome! 833 00:55:07,104 --> 00:55:09,306 All our money, our passports, our tickets... 834 00:55:09,340 --> 00:55:10,808 Everything, gone! 835 00:55:13,110 --> 00:55:14,945 How the hell could this happen? 836 00:55:14,979 --> 00:55:17,515 We all go to Amsterdam, and Jamie's the one who hooks up! 837 00:55:19,116 --> 00:55:20,451 For shame! 838 00:55:29,860 --> 00:55:30,961 Oh, that's me. 839 00:55:35,299 --> 00:55:36,567 Coop here. Sorry. 840 00:55:37,234 --> 00:55:39,069 Hello, Mr. Walters. 841 00:55:41,672 --> 00:55:43,674 You never got the Gutterman file? 842 00:55:43,708 --> 00:55:45,910 I told Humphrey to give it to you. 843 00:55:45,943 --> 00:55:48,679 That's hogwash. I handed it to him myself yesterday. 844 00:55:50,415 --> 00:55:52,959 Yes, sir, I will tell Humphrey to report to your office immediately. 845 00:55:52,983 --> 00:55:53,983 Bye. 846 00:55:56,487 --> 00:55:57,955 This job's killing me. 847 00:56:10,401 --> 00:56:12,437 Uh... Let me handle this. 848 00:56:13,070 --> 00:56:14,104 I speak bad German. 849 00:56:39,363 --> 00:56:41,398 What did he say? He said he's driving. 850 00:56:41,432 --> 00:56:42,667 Oh. Something. 851 00:56:42,700 --> 00:56:43,700 Ja. 852 00:56:48,005 --> 00:56:49,005 Berlin? 853 00:56:58,716 --> 00:57:00,585 Berlin? Berlin! 854 00:57:06,657 --> 00:57:08,258 He's going to Berlin! Awesome! 855 00:57:10,928 --> 00:57:12,963 All right! Berlin! Come on, let's go! 856 00:57:22,239 --> 00:57:23,774 Next stop, Berlin! 857 00:57:46,864 --> 00:57:49,466 Beautiful! We made it to Berlin. 858 00:57:49,967 --> 00:57:51,736 Ja. Berlin! 859 00:57:57,007 --> 00:57:58,208 Bratislava? Yeah. 860 00:57:59,143 --> 00:58:00,477 Bratislava! 861 00:58:06,684 --> 00:58:08,553 Dear sweet mother of God. 862 00:58:09,453 --> 00:58:11,355 We're in Eastern Europe. 863 00:58:14,258 --> 00:58:15,258 Ew! 864 00:58:38,883 --> 00:58:39,883 Excuse me. 865 00:58:40,818 --> 00:58:42,219 Do you speak any English? 866 00:58:43,688 --> 00:58:45,022 You are Americans? 867 00:58:45,790 --> 00:58:46,790 Yeah. 868 00:58:47,692 --> 00:58:48,859 I love America. 869 00:58:50,360 --> 00:58:53,530 We just get Miami Vice on television. 870 00:58:54,665 --> 00:58:56,601 Miami Vice is number one new show. 871 00:58:57,367 --> 00:58:58,736 Yeah. 872 00:58:58,769 --> 00:59:02,139 Listen, we're trying to get to Berlin, Germany. 873 00:59:02,172 --> 00:59:04,541 Do you know if there's a train coming anytime soon? 874 00:59:04,575 --> 00:59:07,144 Oh, yes, very soon. They are building it now. 875 00:59:11,548 --> 00:59:12,950 Stop! Hammer time! 876 00:59:14,752 --> 00:59:16,721 Enjoy Bratislava! 877 00:59:16,754 --> 00:59:19,356 It's good you came in summer. 878 00:59:19,389 --> 00:59:21,792 In winter, it can get very depressing. 879 00:59:24,461 --> 00:59:26,573 We gotta figure something out. How much money do we have? 880 00:59:32,336 --> 00:59:33,336 Frommer's travel tip. 881 00:59:35,305 --> 00:59:36,306 I don't have anything. 882 00:59:37,241 --> 00:59:38,776 What? I got noth... Fine. 883 00:59:46,083 --> 00:59:47,652 $1.83 American. 884 00:59:48,886 --> 00:59:50,126 What are we gonna get with that? 885 00:59:56,360 --> 00:59:58,996 Gotta love that exchange rate! 886 01:00:00,965 --> 01:00:01,965 Ta. 887 01:00:06,637 --> 01:00:08,773 Hapi djus. 888 01:00:11,776 --> 01:00:13,644 Hmm. Now with less pulp. 889 01:00:15,646 --> 01:00:17,682 Dinner is served. 890 01:00:17,715 --> 01:00:19,315 Would the masters care for anything else? 891 01:00:19,884 --> 01:00:21,786 Think we're good. Thanks. 892 01:00:23,153 --> 01:00:25,255 Ah! A nickel! 893 01:00:27,692 --> 01:00:28,959 You see this? 894 01:00:30,194 --> 01:00:31,662 I quit! 895 01:00:33,230 --> 01:00:35,833 I open my own hotel! 896 01:00:44,108 --> 01:00:45,943 So, we got 27 cents left. 897 01:00:46,777 --> 01:00:48,545 What is there to do in this town? 898 01:00:54,985 --> 01:00:57,221 ♪ My Scotty ♪ Scotty, Scotty 899 01:00:58,522 --> 01:01:02,259 ♪ Scotty doesn't know 900 01:01:02,292 --> 01:01:03,928 ♪ Don't tell Scotty 901 01:01:05,996 --> 01:01:08,432 ♪ Scotty doesn't know 902 01:01:08,465 --> 01:01:09,934 This song sounds familiar. 903 01:01:12,937 --> 01:01:14,057 Jenny, lemme check your coat. 904 01:01:20,811 --> 01:01:23,080 Hey! Jenny! 905 01:01:23,113 --> 01:01:25,883 That outfit is horrible! Just take it off... Now! 906 01:01:28,786 --> 01:01:30,855 No, but I will let you buy me a drink. 907 01:01:31,488 --> 01:01:32,723 Excuse me! 908 01:01:35,059 --> 01:01:37,003 You are the woman from the Paris train station, aren't you? 909 01:01:37,027 --> 01:01:38,796 My name is... Christoph. 910 01:01:38,829 --> 01:01:39,964 Yes. 911 01:01:40,564 --> 01:01:41,799 What are you doing here? 912 01:01:42,332 --> 01:01:44,068 This is my place. 913 01:01:44,101 --> 01:01:46,370 My family owns many nightclubs throughout Europe. 914 01:01:46,403 --> 01:01:48,803 I'd be honored if you'd join me in my V.I.P. room for a drink. 915 01:01:49,173 --> 01:01:50,407 Mmm. Okay. 916 01:01:53,243 --> 01:01:54,244 Bye, Cooper. 917 01:02:01,819 --> 01:02:03,754 What's that? It's absinthe. 918 01:02:04,688 --> 01:02:06,290 Frommer's says it's illegal in the States 919 01:02:06,323 --> 01:02:08,893 because it makes you hallucinate and go crazy. 920 01:02:08,926 --> 01:02:10,795 They call it "the green fairy." 921 01:02:18,202 --> 01:02:21,038 My family has a yacht in the Aegean. 922 01:02:21,071 --> 01:02:23,841 Come with me, Jennifer. We will sail away together. 923 01:02:24,374 --> 01:02:25,442 Oh, my God! 924 01:02:26,110 --> 01:02:27,577 We will swim with dolphins, 925 01:02:27,611 --> 01:02:29,146 and sip champagne by moonlight. 926 01:02:29,746 --> 01:02:31,081 Oh, my God! 927 01:02:32,382 --> 01:02:34,751 We will spend the day sunbathing, drinking wine. 928 01:02:35,685 --> 01:02:37,287 My wife makes the best sangria. 929 01:02:37,788 --> 01:02:39,223 Wait... What? 930 01:02:39,556 --> 01:02:40,556 Sangria. 931 01:02:41,525 --> 01:02:43,260 You take a good Spanish Rioja, 932 01:02:43,293 --> 01:02:45,295 and you put in slices of orange, and... 933 01:02:45,329 --> 01:02:47,531 No, wait. You said you were married? 934 01:02:50,267 --> 01:02:53,037 You just go around Europe sleeping with every woman you meet? 935 01:02:53,070 --> 01:02:54,972 No, please, Jennifer. It is not like that. 936 01:02:55,705 --> 01:02:57,041 I also sleep with men. 937 01:03:01,846 --> 01:03:03,326 I gotta say, I'm not feeling anything. 938 01:03:04,314 --> 01:03:05,816 Me neither. 939 01:03:05,850 --> 01:03:07,151 Sober as a judge. 940 01:03:08,886 --> 01:03:10,254 How 'bout you? 941 01:03:10,287 --> 01:03:12,089 I'm not feeling a goddamn thing. 942 01:03:12,756 --> 01:03:14,758 This absinthe is bullshit! 943 01:03:14,791 --> 01:03:16,126 I hear you, my brother. 944 01:03:16,660 --> 01:03:17,895 I'm outta here. 945 01:03:18,695 --> 01:03:20,730 Excuse me. 946 01:03:20,764 --> 01:03:23,200 Hey, so where's Christoph? Shut up. 947 01:03:45,222 --> 01:03:47,191 - Europe! - Europe! 948 01:03:47,224 --> 01:03:49,026 - Whoo! - Europe! 949 01:04:05,009 --> 01:04:06,310 So, tomorrow, Berlin. 950 01:04:06,877 --> 01:04:08,145 Tomorrow, Mieke! 951 01:04:15,452 --> 01:04:16,452 Check it out. 952 01:04:17,454 --> 01:04:19,289 No way! 953 01:04:19,323 --> 01:04:21,625 Jamie's hooking up with another girl? Goddamn it! 954 01:04:23,527 --> 01:04:25,695 It's just so unfair. I've been all over the place 955 01:04:25,729 --> 01:04:28,198 looking for crazy European sex, and he's the one who ends up... 956 01:04:28,933 --> 01:04:30,467 Oh, my God! 957 01:04:35,305 --> 01:04:37,074 That is some pretty fucked-up shit. 958 01:04:41,478 --> 01:04:44,214 Can you say, "What the fuck did I do last night?" 959 01:04:58,495 --> 01:05:01,431 They really are the worst twins ever. 960 01:05:29,326 --> 01:05:31,261 That was a pretty wild night, eh? 961 01:05:32,929 --> 01:05:34,931 Yep. Pretty wild, pretty wild. 962 01:05:38,035 --> 01:05:39,336 I know I was out of control. 963 01:05:40,137 --> 01:05:41,571 How about you guys? Did you... 964 01:05:41,605 --> 01:05:43,673 All right, look. We were really drunk, 965 01:05:44,808 --> 01:05:46,643 things got a little crazy, and Jamie... 966 01:05:47,711 --> 01:05:48,711 ...kissed me. 967 01:05:50,147 --> 01:05:52,249 Let's just forget about it, okay? 968 01:05:52,282 --> 01:05:53,917 Consider it forgotten. Never happened. 969 01:05:53,950 --> 01:05:55,185 Never happened. 970 01:05:56,086 --> 01:05:58,555 Fine. Let's just forget about it. 971 01:05:59,289 --> 01:06:00,624 It's not like you two had sex. 972 01:06:02,626 --> 01:06:04,028 Have you had sex? 973 01:06:04,061 --> 01:06:06,063 Shut up, Cooper! Jamie, relax. 974 01:06:06,096 --> 01:06:07,831 Cooper. Please? 975 01:06:07,864 --> 01:06:09,566 Okay, fine. I'll give it a rest. 976 01:06:12,536 --> 01:06:13,976 Jamie, could I borrow your Frommer's? 977 01:06:20,044 --> 01:06:21,978 Oh, here it is. Bratislava. 978 01:06:22,012 --> 01:06:23,713 Hmm. Capital of Slovakia. 979 01:06:24,681 --> 01:06:26,083 Oh, here's a fun fact. 980 01:06:27,651 --> 01:06:29,719 You made out with your sister, man! 981 01:06:29,753 --> 01:06:31,788 Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Like two dogs in heat. 982 01:06:36,760 --> 01:06:38,762 My friends, where is the beef? 983 01:06:41,098 --> 01:06:43,567 You go to Berlin? I'm your ride. 984 01:06:44,368 --> 01:06:45,402 Hop in. 985 01:07:13,397 --> 01:07:15,037 This is Mieke's apartment building. 986 01:07:15,665 --> 01:07:17,134 Wish me all sorts of luck, guys. 987 01:07:18,935 --> 01:07:20,070 You'll do great, Scotty. 988 01:07:22,972 --> 01:07:24,174 Thanks. 989 01:07:44,494 --> 01:07:46,330 I came all this way. I'm not gonna miss this. 990 01:07:54,070 --> 01:07:56,406 Dude, Mieke's hideous! Run! Stop. 991 01:08:08,918 --> 01:08:10,687 Hi, my name is Scott Thomas. 992 01:08:10,720 --> 01:08:12,556 I'm from America, and I'm here to see Mieke. 993 01:08:13,323 --> 01:08:14,691 I'm sorry, but Mieke's not here. 994 01:08:15,759 --> 01:08:16,926 Do you know where she is? 995 01:08:16,960 --> 01:08:18,428 She's gone for the summer. 996 01:08:33,943 --> 01:08:36,780 My daughter had intended to spend the summer in America, 997 01:08:36,813 --> 01:08:39,516 looking at colleges and visiting some friends. 998 01:08:39,549 --> 01:08:42,186 But several days ago, she suddenly changed her mind. 999 01:08:42,219 --> 01:08:43,553 She would not tell me why. 1000 01:08:44,654 --> 01:08:45,789 I think I know why. 1001 01:08:52,396 --> 01:08:54,764 This is Heinrich. He's Mieke's stepbrother. 1002 01:08:56,132 --> 01:08:58,935 As I was saying, she packed up her bag and left. 1003 01:08:58,968 --> 01:09:00,304 It was all very sudden. 1004 01:09:00,337 --> 01:09:02,672 Do you know where she is now? 1005 01:09:02,706 --> 01:09:05,218 As you know, she's always been very interested in the classics, 1006 01:09:05,242 --> 01:09:07,477 Greek and Roman literature and history, 1007 01:09:07,511 --> 01:09:09,279 and she's always enjoyed the ocean, 1008 01:09:09,313 --> 01:09:12,249 so she found a program that combines all her interests. 1009 01:09:12,282 --> 01:09:13,650 Do you know where she is? 1010 01:09:15,219 --> 01:09:18,455 She enrolled in a summer at sea program, based in Rome. 1011 01:09:19,856 --> 01:09:20,856 Rome. 1012 01:09:22,192 --> 01:09:24,361 Okay, then I guess we'll go to Rome, then. 1013 01:09:24,394 --> 01:09:27,864 Unfortunately, Mieke's only in Rome for orientation. 1014 01:09:27,897 --> 01:09:30,210 Tomorrow her group boards a boat and she'll be gone for the summer. 1015 01:09:30,234 --> 01:09:33,270 She'll be quite unreachable. 1016 01:09:34,604 --> 01:09:35,604 Unreachable. 1017 01:09:43,680 --> 01:09:45,782 Mieke's tour group goes to the Vatican tomorrow, 1018 01:09:45,815 --> 01:09:47,684 then she gets on that boat and she's gone. 1019 01:09:48,218 --> 01:09:49,419 So, it's over? 1020 01:09:53,623 --> 01:09:56,493 Thanks for sticking with me through this, guys, but... 1021 01:09:56,526 --> 01:09:58,362 You should probably call your parents, 1022 01:09:58,395 --> 01:10:00,196 have them wire you some money and go home. 1023 01:10:01,465 --> 01:10:02,666 What are you gonna do? 1024 01:10:04,434 --> 01:10:09,539 I'm going to Rome. I'll walk, I'll hitchhike, 1025 01:10:09,573 --> 01:10:11,741 I'll swim if I have to, but I'll get to Mieke somehow. 1026 01:10:17,013 --> 01:10:18,013 Maybe that'll help. 1027 01:10:18,548 --> 01:10:19,649 Where'd you get all that? 1028 01:10:20,384 --> 01:10:22,419 Wait. Where's your Leica? 1029 01:10:23,687 --> 01:10:24,788 Sold it. 1030 01:10:24,821 --> 01:10:25,821 What? 1031 01:10:27,924 --> 01:10:29,326 You sold your Leica? 1032 01:10:29,359 --> 01:10:30,560 But you loved that thing. 1033 01:10:30,594 --> 01:10:32,128 What about your photo tour of Europe? 1034 01:10:32,161 --> 01:10:33,530 What about the chateaus? 1035 01:10:33,563 --> 01:10:35,365 Chateaus have been there for 300 years. 1036 01:10:36,232 --> 01:10:37,567 Mieke's gone in 12 hours. 1037 01:10:41,605 --> 01:10:43,673 Come on, let's go! Frommer's says to check in 1038 01:10:43,707 --> 01:10:45,427 three hours before any international flight. 1039 01:10:45,875 --> 01:10:46,875 Come here, guidebook! 1040 01:10:47,777 --> 01:10:50,647 Whoo! We're going to Rome. We're going to Rome! 1041 01:11:01,224 --> 01:11:02,526 ♪ Be my girl 1042 01:11:03,192 --> 01:11:04,594 ♪ Be my girl 1043 01:11:05,929 --> 01:11:07,464 ♪ Are you gonna be my 1044 01:11:08,164 --> 01:11:10,300 ♪ Girl, yeah 1045 01:11:10,334 --> 01:11:12,302 ♪ Be my girl 1046 01:11:12,336 --> 01:11:13,737 ♪ Be my girl 1047 01:11:15,071 --> 01:11:18,842 ♪ Are you gonna be my girl 1048 01:11:23,079 --> 01:11:24,814 All right, summer at sea group. 1049 01:11:24,848 --> 01:11:26,650 Our tour begins in the Vatican museum. 1050 01:11:27,183 --> 01:11:28,385 This way, please. 1051 01:11:36,693 --> 01:11:37,861 There it is. 1052 01:11:44,468 --> 01:11:47,371 This entrance is for private tour groups only. 1053 01:11:49,806 --> 01:11:52,609 Oh... But we are a private tour group. 1054 01:11:52,642 --> 01:11:54,411 We've come all the way from America. 1055 01:11:57,681 --> 01:11:59,783 That guy in the orange jacket is mentally retarded. 1056 01:12:04,888 --> 01:12:08,925 Si, I can tell. How very, very sad. 1057 01:12:09,993 --> 01:12:11,327 Yes, it is. 1058 01:12:12,328 --> 01:12:14,631 But if you are a tour, where is your guide? 1059 01:12:14,664 --> 01:12:16,633 We've got a fantastic tour guide. 1060 01:12:16,666 --> 01:12:18,535 Right here. What? No... 1061 01:12:22,972 --> 01:12:25,642 The Vatican has been used as a papal residence 1062 01:12:25,675 --> 01:12:27,944 ever since the time of Emperor Constantine the Great 1063 01:12:27,977 --> 01:12:28,978 of the 5th century A.D.! 1064 01:12:31,481 --> 01:12:33,483 Oh. 1065 01:12:33,517 --> 01:12:36,019 Okay... Um... If you'll all follow me, please. 1066 01:12:41,224 --> 01:12:43,493 Have a very special day 1067 01:12:43,527 --> 01:12:47,096 for a very special little man. 1068 01:12:48,031 --> 01:12:49,031 Okay. 1069 01:12:51,868 --> 01:12:54,237 I can't believe that guy let us in. 1070 01:12:54,270 --> 01:12:55,805 What a retard! 1071 01:12:55,839 --> 01:12:58,007 Let's find Mieke. Scusate. 1072 01:12:59,242 --> 01:13:02,579 One of our English-speaking tour guides has called in sick. 1073 01:13:02,612 --> 01:13:04,212 Could you please take these peoples also? 1074 01:13:07,884 --> 01:13:09,352 How big is Vatican City? 1075 01:13:09,385 --> 01:13:10,820 .5 square kilometers. 1076 01:13:11,488 --> 01:13:12,989 Who built the colonnades? 1077 01:13:13,022 --> 01:13:15,925 Gianlorenzo Bernini, 1656. 1078 01:13:15,959 --> 01:13:17,026 Where are the bathrooms? 1079 01:13:17,060 --> 01:13:18,962 Floors 2, 6 and 7. 1080 01:13:18,995 --> 01:13:22,265 Next I'll take you to where the College of Cardinals elects a new pope. 1081 01:13:22,298 --> 01:13:25,735 When this happens, white smoke is sent up from the Vatican. Here's a fun fact... 1082 01:13:25,769 --> 01:13:27,289 Mieke's gotta be around here somewhere. 1083 01:13:28,472 --> 01:13:29,673 Let's go. 1084 01:13:38,682 --> 01:13:41,217 Behind me is the appartamento papale, 1085 01:13:41,250 --> 01:13:42,819 or Papal Apartment. 1086 01:13:42,852 --> 01:13:44,020 We're obviously not permitted. 1087 01:13:45,755 --> 01:13:47,423 Excuse me, miss. What is this? 1088 01:13:48,692 --> 01:13:50,594 That is the bell of San Marco. 1089 01:13:50,627 --> 01:13:52,996 When the Pope dies, the Cardinal Vicar of Rome 1090 01:13:53,029 --> 01:13:55,765 rings this bell to notify the people of Rome. 1091 01:13:55,799 --> 01:13:58,434 Next we will view the Sistine Chapel. Follow me, please. 1092 01:14:02,271 --> 01:14:03,907 Come on. 1093 01:14:03,940 --> 01:14:06,275 I think I heard them. Which way did they go? 1094 01:14:06,309 --> 01:14:08,512 That way. I'd stake my reputation on it. 1095 01:14:08,545 --> 01:14:10,013 Good enough for me. 1096 01:14:10,046 --> 01:14:13,517 Hey, check it out! I wonder what this does. 1097 01:14:14,984 --> 01:14:17,153 It doesn't do anything, it's a rope. Come on, let's go. 1098 01:14:18,087 --> 01:14:19,923 They got a lot of old stuff here. 1099 01:14:27,430 --> 01:14:28,665 Dio mio! 1100 01:14:29,699 --> 01:14:31,467 The bell of San Marco! 1101 01:14:33,570 --> 01:14:35,071 The Pope is dead! 1102 01:14:39,342 --> 01:14:40,510 Whoa. 1103 01:14:43,379 --> 01:14:44,681 She's not in here. 1104 01:14:45,849 --> 01:14:47,627 Let's go. We're definitely not supposed to be in here. 1105 01:14:47,651 --> 01:14:48,885 Hey, check this out! 1106 01:14:50,386 --> 01:14:51,588 I'm the Pope! 1107 01:14:51,621 --> 01:14:53,222 Cooper... 1108 01:14:53,256 --> 01:14:55,592 Take off the pope hat. 1109 01:14:55,625 --> 01:14:57,393 Oh, no. It's okay. I'm Catholic. 1110 01:14:57,426 --> 01:14:58,728 Take it off, god damn it! 1111 01:15:00,664 --> 01:15:02,699 Oh, you took the Lord's name in vain! 1112 01:15:02,732 --> 01:15:05,168 Only I can forgive you now, my son. 1113 01:15:05,201 --> 01:15:06,321 Take that fudging thing off! 1114 01:15:06,936 --> 01:15:08,376 The Pope breaks an open-field tackle. 1115 01:15:09,105 --> 01:15:11,140 It's a Hail Mary, he catches at the 40... 1116 01:15:11,741 --> 01:15:14,177 The 30, the 20, the 10... 1117 01:15:14,210 --> 01:15:15,879 Touchdown, Pope! 1118 01:15:17,647 --> 01:15:19,415 The Pope makes a two-point conversion. 1119 01:15:19,448 --> 01:15:23,152 And oh, my Lord! It's the Pope, eight, 1120 01:15:23,186 --> 01:15:25,488 and the heathens, nothing! 1121 01:15:27,256 --> 01:15:28,892 How's you, sucka? 1122 01:15:31,795 --> 01:15:33,697 Cooper, the hat! The hat! 1123 01:15:33,730 --> 01:15:35,665 The hat is on fire! 1124 01:15:35,699 --> 01:15:37,409 ♪ We don't need no water let the mother... ♪ 1125 01:15:37,433 --> 01:15:38,635 I'm not kidding! Look! 1126 01:15:39,969 --> 01:15:41,004 Oh, holy shit! 1127 01:15:42,606 --> 01:15:44,340 I don't want this! 1128 01:15:44,373 --> 01:15:45,709 Fireplace! Fireplace! Go, go! 1129 01:15:48,177 --> 01:15:49,545 Whoa! 1130 01:15:57,353 --> 01:15:58,353 White smoke! 1131 01:15:59,222 --> 01:16:01,758 They've elected the new pope! 1132 01:16:04,994 --> 01:16:07,130 I'm coming to you live from Vatican Square 1133 01:16:07,163 --> 01:16:09,899 where the College of Cardinals, in a surprise move, 1134 01:16:09,933 --> 01:16:14,270 has just elected a new pope. The crowd is very excited. 1135 01:16:14,303 --> 01:16:16,673 This is so strange. 1136 01:16:16,706 --> 01:16:20,176 Usually they wait 15 days to elect a new pope. 1137 01:16:20,209 --> 01:16:22,578 We could be seeing history in the making! 1138 01:16:22,612 --> 01:16:24,292 We could be seeing an arrest in the making. 1139 01:16:32,622 --> 01:16:33,757 There she is. 1140 01:16:37,761 --> 01:16:39,128 Hey! Stupid curtain! 1141 01:16:40,129 --> 01:16:41,164 Let me out! 1142 01:16:45,501 --> 01:16:46,803 Mieke! 1143 01:16:47,536 --> 01:16:49,072 It's the new pope! 1144 01:17:16,299 --> 01:17:17,701 What the hell? 1145 01:17:23,639 --> 01:17:25,108 Mieke! 1146 01:17:27,777 --> 01:17:29,112 Hold on! 1147 01:17:35,351 --> 01:17:36,986 This is one crazy pope. 1148 01:17:46,696 --> 01:17:48,197 You! 1149 01:17:48,231 --> 01:17:50,099 Ferma! Stop! You! 1150 01:17:52,936 --> 01:17:56,672 You... And your retarded friend, 1151 01:17:56,706 --> 01:17:58,341 you're in big, big trouble. 1152 01:17:58,975 --> 01:18:00,243 Oi! 1153 01:18:03,412 --> 01:18:05,148 Take your mitts off them boys! 1154 01:18:05,749 --> 01:18:07,150 They're with me! 1155 01:18:10,119 --> 01:18:12,789 I've just about had enough of you fuckin' Ities! 1156 01:18:14,123 --> 01:18:15,224 But I am Swiss! 1157 01:18:16,525 --> 01:18:17,861 Them, too! 1158 01:18:24,333 --> 01:18:25,701 Now, bud... 1159 01:18:25,735 --> 01:18:28,404 You get in there, and you say what you got to say. 1160 01:18:30,473 --> 01:18:31,707 Mieke. I'm here. 1161 01:18:32,275 --> 01:18:33,275 I made it. 1162 01:18:36,645 --> 01:18:37,881 Who are you? 1163 01:18:42,385 --> 01:18:45,454 What a fucking loser! I'm gonna videotape this. 1164 01:18:47,323 --> 01:18:48,357 I'm Scott. 1165 01:18:49,658 --> 01:18:50,794 From Ohio? 1166 01:18:51,127 --> 01:18:52,195 Scott? 1167 01:18:53,196 --> 01:18:54,330 Scott Thomas? 1168 01:18:54,831 --> 01:18:57,200 Yes. From Ohio? 1169 01:18:58,601 --> 01:19:00,003 What are you doing in Rome? 1170 01:19:00,036 --> 01:19:02,171 I came here to be with you. 1171 01:19:02,205 --> 01:19:04,707 Listen, I just traveled all the way across Europe. 1172 01:19:04,740 --> 01:19:07,376 I got chased by naked men. 1173 01:19:07,410 --> 01:19:10,213 I ate brownies with absolutely no drugs in them. 1174 01:19:11,280 --> 01:19:13,216 I watched a brother and sister make out. 1175 01:19:15,151 --> 01:19:17,954 I kicked a robot in the balls, but I did it all so that... 1176 01:19:19,088 --> 01:19:20,389 ...so I could tell you one thing. 1177 01:19:23,692 --> 01:19:25,028 I love you, Mieke. 1178 01:19:25,862 --> 01:19:27,096 Aw... 1179 01:19:28,297 --> 01:19:30,177 We're perfect for each other. What do you think? 1180 01:19:32,735 --> 01:19:33,870 I think... 1181 01:19:48,717 --> 01:19:51,354 Oh, Mike... Mieke! 1182 01:20:05,801 --> 01:20:07,561 Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. 1183 01:20:08,137 --> 01:20:10,173 I have cheated on my husband. 1184 01:20:10,206 --> 01:20:12,041 Do you think God will ever forgive me? 1185 01:20:12,641 --> 01:20:13,641 Oh, yes! 1186 01:20:15,478 --> 01:20:16,880 Father? 1187 01:20:27,656 --> 01:20:29,792 This sucks. 1188 01:20:29,825 --> 01:20:33,196 I can't believe I'm the only one who didn't hook up while we were here. 1189 01:20:33,229 --> 01:20:35,131 Europe is officially the worst country on Earth. 1190 01:20:36,165 --> 01:20:37,700 I know. 1191 01:20:37,733 --> 01:20:40,369 I thought I'd at least get to have some crazy European sex. 1192 01:20:44,573 --> 01:20:45,573 What? 1193 01:20:54,750 --> 01:20:56,886 Scott, I have to go. Okay. 1194 01:20:57,753 --> 01:20:59,088 My boat is leaving. 1195 01:21:00,957 --> 01:21:02,837 I still can't believe you came all the way here, 1196 01:21:03,259 --> 01:21:04,793 just for me. 1197 01:21:04,827 --> 01:21:07,396 What can I say? I'm very unpredictable. 1198 01:21:08,898 --> 01:21:10,333 Keep writing to me, Scott, okay? 1199 01:21:10,766 --> 01:21:12,135 Yeah, I will. 1200 01:21:31,420 --> 01:21:33,422 Yes! Yes! Yes! 1201 01:21:33,456 --> 01:21:34,991 Whoo-hoo! 1202 01:21:37,160 --> 01:21:39,495 Hey, guys, I'm so glad we got to take this trip together. 1203 01:21:40,463 --> 01:21:41,931 This was the best time of my life. 1204 01:21:46,402 --> 01:21:48,704 Excuse me. 1205 01:21:48,737 --> 01:21:51,457 You're the young man who gave me that tour of the Vatican, aren't you? 1206 01:21:54,243 --> 01:21:57,513 Listen, I'm very sorry... I just wanted to thank you. 1207 01:21:57,546 --> 01:22:00,649 You were the most knowledgeable, albeit idiosyncratic, 1208 01:22:00,683 --> 01:22:02,118 tour guide I've ever had. 1209 01:22:03,386 --> 01:22:04,720 Thanks. 1210 01:22:04,753 --> 01:22:06,073 But I'm not actually a tour guide. 1211 01:22:07,623 --> 01:22:09,792 I've just read Frommer's enough to have it memorized. 1212 01:22:09,825 --> 01:22:12,728 Although I threw in a few things Frommer's didn't know about. 1213 01:22:12,761 --> 01:22:13,961 How would you like to add them? 1214 01:22:14,563 --> 01:22:15,931 Excuse me? 1215 01:22:15,965 --> 01:22:18,134 That's my guidebook. 1216 01:22:24,007 --> 01:22:25,374 I'm Arthur Frommer. 1217 01:22:27,843 --> 01:22:29,912 It's amazing! 1218 01:22:29,945 --> 01:22:33,482 Frommer's is going to pay me to see every museum and cathedral in Europe. 1219 01:22:34,984 --> 01:22:36,652 That sounds so exciting... 1220 01:22:37,453 --> 01:22:38,554 For you. 1221 01:22:40,523 --> 01:22:41,866 I figured, since you're going to be staying, 1222 01:22:41,890 --> 01:22:43,192 you might need this. 1223 01:22:45,561 --> 01:22:47,596 A disposable camera. That's right. 1224 01:22:47,630 --> 01:22:48,764 Thanks, Scotty. 1225 01:22:48,797 --> 01:22:50,666 That's from both of us. 1226 01:22:58,774 --> 01:23:00,043 Hello, Mr. Walters. 1227 01:23:01,244 --> 01:23:02,611 I see. 1228 01:23:02,645 --> 01:23:05,281 Fired? Well, I... 1229 01:23:05,314 --> 01:23:08,417 Well, if that's what you want, I understand. I just... 1230 01:23:09,418 --> 01:23:10,419 Goodbye, sir. 1231 01:23:12,055 --> 01:23:13,398 They had to catch you eventually, right? 1232 01:23:13,422 --> 01:23:15,691 No, they fired Humphrey. Shut up! 1233 01:23:15,724 --> 01:23:16,925 I got his office and a raise. 1234 01:23:16,959 --> 01:23:18,761 No! 1235 01:23:18,794 --> 01:23:22,365 Flight 341 from Rome to Cleveland... 1236 01:23:22,398 --> 01:23:23,932 That's you guys. 1237 01:23:23,966 --> 01:23:25,526 Have a good flight, everybody. Come here. 1238 01:23:28,771 --> 01:23:29,772 Be good. 1239 01:23:31,974 --> 01:23:33,209 Oh! Okay... 1240 01:23:34,410 --> 01:23:36,612 Cooper, have a good flight. Be good. 1241 01:23:36,645 --> 01:23:37,680 Thanks. 1242 01:24:11,314 --> 01:24:12,348 I'm on it. 1243 01:24:22,891 --> 01:24:24,571 This still counts as Europe, right? 1244 01:24:33,902 --> 01:24:35,371 "Dear Mieke, 1245 01:24:35,404 --> 01:24:38,307 "Greece sounds incredible. 1246 01:24:38,341 --> 01:24:40,643 "I just moved into my dorm room today, 1247 01:24:40,676 --> 01:24:43,679 "but I can't wait to see you over Christmas break. 1248 01:24:43,712 --> 01:24:45,714 "This time I think I'll fly to Berlin direct." 1249 01:24:52,588 --> 01:24:55,524 Hello? Hey buddy, how's college? 1250 01:24:55,558 --> 01:24:58,261 I just got here. My roommate hasn't even showed up yet. 1251 01:24:58,294 --> 01:25:00,429 Do they room all you pre-med geeks together? 1252 01:25:00,463 --> 01:25:02,531 I'm not sure I'm going pre-med. 1253 01:25:02,565 --> 01:25:04,233 I'm thinking about majoring in German. 1254 01:25:04,267 --> 01:25:06,335 German? I've got a better idea. 1255 01:25:06,369 --> 01:25:08,671 Why don't you major in not being such a woman? 1256 01:25:08,704 --> 01:25:09,838 So, how's Jenny? 1257 01:25:10,639 --> 01:25:13,108 Jenny... Jenny who? 1258 01:25:13,142 --> 01:25:14,886 I know a lot of ladies named Jenny, they're all... 1259 01:25:14,910 --> 01:25:16,179 Ow! 1260 01:25:18,181 --> 01:25:19,682 Hey, Scotty, what's up? 1261 01:25:19,715 --> 01:25:21,384 Hi, Jenny! 1262 01:25:21,417 --> 01:25:23,094 Have you heard from Jamie? How's he doing with Frommer? 1263 01:25:23,118 --> 01:25:24,320 Oh, no. 1264 01:25:28,924 --> 01:25:30,125 Hold on. 1265 01:25:31,694 --> 01:25:32,895 Come here, robot! 1266 01:25:32,928 --> 01:25:34,697 Cooper, not again! 1267 01:25:36,131 --> 01:25:37,651 Hold on, this could be my new roommate. 1268 01:25:44,507 --> 01:25:46,675 What's the freak look like? 1269 01:25:46,709 --> 01:25:49,578 Is he a dork or is he cool? Better not be cooler than me. 1270 01:25:50,279 --> 01:25:51,447 Is he bigger than me? 1271 01:25:52,515 --> 01:25:54,683 I just got your last email. What are you doing here? 1272 01:25:55,718 --> 01:25:56,718 Going to college. 1273 01:25:58,221 --> 01:25:59,381 You're going to college here? 1274 01:26:01,457 --> 01:26:02,758 What dorm? This one. 1275 01:26:03,492 --> 01:26:04,593 Room 214. 1276 01:26:08,931 --> 01:26:10,233 How is this possible? 1277 01:26:11,634 --> 01:26:13,336 I guess they thought I was a guy. 1278 01:26:14,837 --> 01:26:17,240 Now who would be dumb enough to make a mistake like that? 1279 01:26:26,515 --> 01:26:28,817 Do I hear kissing? 1280 01:26:28,851 --> 01:26:31,320 Are you making out with your new roommate, Scotty? 1281 01:26:34,957 --> 01:26:35,957 Scotty? 1282 01:26:36,325 --> 01:26:39,228 Scotty? Scotty! 1283 01:26:39,262 --> 01:26:42,130 ♪ Scotty doesn't know that Fiona and me 1284 01:26:42,164 --> 01:26:44,533 This happy ending is bullshit. 1285 01:26:44,567 --> 01:26:47,636 When does the fairy get laid? I'm outta here. 1286 01:26:47,670 --> 01:26:50,473 ♪ Still she's on her knees and Scotty doesn't know 1287 01:26:51,274 --> 01:26:53,542 ♪ Oh, Scotty doesn't know 1288 01:26:55,010 --> 01:26:56,845 Catchy tune. Fuckin'-A, man. 1289 01:27:01,617 --> 01:27:04,653 ♪ Fiona says she's out shopping 1290 01:27:06,822 --> 01:27:11,594 ♪ But she's under me and I'm not stopping 1291 01:27:11,627 --> 01:27:14,062 Scotty doesn't know! Scotty doesn't know! 1292 01:27:14,096 --> 01:27:16,765 Scotty doesn't know! 1293 01:27:16,799 --> 01:27:19,268 Hello, and welcome to 1294 01:27:19,302 --> 01:27:22,405 Amsterdam's finest and most luxurious youth hostel. 1295 01:27:22,438 --> 01:27:23,772 Sounds great. 1296 01:27:23,806 --> 01:27:26,275 There is no bathroom, nor is there one nearby. 1297 01:27:27,242 --> 01:27:30,446 ♪ I can't believe he's so trusting 1298 01:27:31,947 --> 01:27:33,649 Sorry. 1299 01:27:33,682 --> 01:27:35,984 ♪ While I'm right behind you thrusting 1300 01:27:37,420 --> 01:27:39,588 Get it? She got it. 1301 01:27:39,622 --> 01:27:42,925 If you do not wish to have your valuables stolen, 1302 01:27:42,958 --> 01:27:46,662 I suggest destroying them or discarding them right now. 1303 01:27:46,695 --> 01:27:49,698 You can also try hiding your valuables... 1304 01:27:50,299 --> 01:27:51,467 In your anus. 1305 01:27:52,134 --> 01:27:53,302 Drink? 1306 01:27:58,974 --> 01:28:00,785 I'm gonna rip away his pants and look at his dick, okay? 1307 01:28:00,809 --> 01:28:03,612 Ready? Quit. Shut up. 1308 01:28:03,646 --> 01:28:04,813 Sorry. I know I fucked it up. 1309 01:28:06,415 --> 01:28:08,417 Yes! You take her hair... 1310 01:28:08,451 --> 01:28:12,287 And one strand at a time, pull it out! 1311 01:28:12,321 --> 01:28:14,457 Use her like a humping post! 1312 01:28:15,358 --> 01:28:17,025 Jenny, this is Europe. 1313 01:28:17,059 --> 01:28:19,099 They have orange juice ads with lesbians and dildos. 1314 01:28:21,364 --> 01:28:22,731 Hapi djus. 1315 01:28:24,567 --> 01:28:26,487 You got to show them something they haven't seen. 1316 01:28:28,303 --> 01:28:31,073 ♪ Fiona's got him on the phone 1317 01:28:31,106 --> 01:28:33,776 ♪ And she's trying not to moan 1318 01:28:33,809 --> 01:28:37,513 ♪ It's a three-way call and he knows nothing 1319 01:28:37,546 --> 01:28:39,748 ♪ Nothing Scotty doesn't know 1320 01:28:39,782 --> 01:28:42,618 ♪ Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know 1321 01:28:42,651 --> 01:28:46,288 Should a fire occur, due to our faulty wiring, 1322 01:28:46,321 --> 01:28:51,093 or the fireworks factory upstairs, you will be incinerated, 1323 01:28:51,126 --> 01:28:54,363 along with the valuables you have hidden in your anus. 1324 01:28:54,397 --> 01:28:57,199 ♪ So don't tell Scotty Scotty doesn't know 1325 01:28:57,232 --> 01:28:58,701 ♪ Really want to go 1326 01:28:58,734 --> 01:29:01,136 ♪ Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know 1327 01:29:01,169 --> 01:29:03,639 ♪ Scotty doesn't know 1328 01:29:05,374 --> 01:29:08,844 ♪ The parking lot why not? 1329 01:29:08,877 --> 01:29:11,346 ♪ It's so cool when you're on top 1330 01:29:14,617 --> 01:29:16,952 ♪ Life is so hard 'cause Scotty doesn't know 1331 01:29:16,985 --> 01:29:18,754 ♪ Scotty doesn't know 1332 01:29:18,787 --> 01:29:21,824 Fuck off! Get out of it, you wankers! 1333 01:29:21,857 --> 01:29:25,494 Go on, you Gaelic fucking garlic-breath tossers! 1334 01:29:25,528 --> 01:29:27,730 Piss off! Get in here and say that, mate! 1335 01:29:27,763 --> 01:29:30,165 Come on! Fucking come and have it! 1336 01:29:30,198 --> 01:29:32,167 You fucking beep? 1337 01:29:32,200 --> 01:29:35,037 We'll beep, you bastard, all over your fucking nose! 1338 01:29:35,070 --> 01:29:36,371 Fuck off! 1339 01:29:36,405 --> 01:29:38,541 Go on, you French bastards! 1340 01:29:38,574 --> 01:29:41,143 Get on the other side of the road, you pricks! 1341 01:29:41,176 --> 01:29:42,978 Go on out of it! 1342 01:29:43,011 --> 01:29:44,246 Fuck off! 1343 01:29:44,279 --> 01:29:45,448 I'm nackered. 1344 01:29:46,181 --> 01:29:48,350 League supporters. 1345 01:29:48,383 --> 01:29:50,653 ♪ Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know 1346 01:29:51,520 --> 01:29:52,988 No, wait... 1347 01:29:58,994 --> 01:30:01,930 Hey! Check these out! I'm 18 years old. 1348 01:30:03,466 --> 01:30:06,334 ♪ Gonna tell Scotty gonna tell myself 1349 01:30:06,368 --> 01:30:08,871 ♪ Scotty has to know Scotty has to know 1350 01:30:08,904 --> 01:30:11,640 ♪ Scotty has to Scotty has to go 1351 01:30:11,674 --> 01:30:14,443 ♪ Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know 1352 01:30:14,477 --> 01:30:17,379 ♪ Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know 1353 01:30:17,412 --> 01:30:19,948 ♪ Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know 1354 01:30:19,982 --> 01:30:23,486 ♪ Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know ♪ 1355 01:30:23,519 --> 01:30:26,321 Scotty doesn't know! Scotty doesn't know! 1356 01:30:26,354 --> 01:30:29,357 Scotty doesn't know! Scotty doesn't know! 1357 01:30:29,391 --> 01:30:32,194 Scotty doesn't know! 1358 01:30:35,898 --> 01:30:37,533 Scotty's gotta go! 1359 01:31:38,994 --> 01:31:40,362 Is it off yet? 1360 01:31:40,395 --> 01:31:41,630 No, keep rubbing it.